Rekindling
by ShiningCity
Summary: When Peeta is rescued from the Capitol, Katniss finally allows herself to consider her feelings about what happened between them before the Quell. When she discovers the horrors he endured & that he may never totally recover, it threatens the relationship they do have - until she discovers something that will bind them together forever. Disclaimer: Suzanne Collins owns all
1. Prologue

**_Hello again, my dear readers! I couldn't stay away from Everlark for too long so here is the start of a new story for you. It takes place mostly during_**** Mockingjay, ****_but there are some twists in the original plots of _****Catching Fire (as you will see) ****_and _****Mockingjay ****_both. I know I'm not the first to go this route, but I hope you like my take on it._**

**_As always, please feel free to leave reviews and let me know what you think. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. Until next time...happy reading!_**

_**Disclaimer: Some dialogue taken from Suzanne Collins and Francis Lawrence's movie, **_**The Hunger Games: Catching Fire**

_**Warning: Mature content ahead!**_

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><p><span><strong>Prologue<strong>

**_~Katniss~_**

**THE NIGHT BEFORE THE QUELL**

Peeta and I lay in bed, trying to push the thoughts of the Quarter Quell from our minds and get some sleep. But after lying there for what felt like hours, I began to give up trying to sleep. I lay on my side, with my head on Peeta's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. Normally, the sound lulled me to sleep, but not tonight.

Peeta's arm was around my shoulder and I felt him squeeze me gently.

"Peeta?" I whispered.

"Hmm?" he responded.

"Can you sleep?"

"No," he said, shifting slightly. "I gave up a while ago."

"Me too," I said sighing. We were silent for a moment before I sat up to look at him. "I don't want to be with anyone else in the arena. Just you."

"If that's what you want."

"That's what I want."

He nodded, the grief so evident in the lines of his face that my heart constricted at the sight.

I don't know what exactly led me to do it, if it was the sadness I felt over seeing him so depressed or the fact that I was planning to die for him in the arena, but I leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips.

He seemed shocked for a moment and didn't kiss me back, but I lingered, willing his lips to mold to mine and they did. My lips parted slightly, and I slowly slid the tip of my tongue over his lips. He pulled back from me.

"Katniss," he began to protest, but I leaned forward and kissed him again. His hand came up and gently pushed my shoulder back. "Katniss, what are you doing?" he asked, the confusion on his face contradicting the longing in his eyes.

"Kissing you," I replied simply, leaning forward to kiss him again, but he held me back and shifted so he was sitting up straighter.

"Katniss, stop. What's going on?"

"I…I just want to kiss you," I whispered, beginning to feel embarrassed. "I thought you would like that…"

His brow furrowed. "Well, I…I _do _like it, but…I don't want you to kiss me just because you think that's what _I_ want."

It suddenly hit me how selfish I was being. All of our kissing had been in front of the cameras, and while I'm sure Peeta wanted to believe that I was kissing him because _I _wanted to, I had already broken his heart once before.

While he still remained selfless and kind, he was more guarded now. I hadn't even considered his feelings when I kissed him just now. And why _did_ I kiss him? _Was _it because I wanted to? I wasn't sure if that was it, but I knew that I liked the feeling it brought me. It had a way of making me forget what lay ahead of us.

His eyes were locked on my face, as if he could read all of my thoughts. I met his stare and said, "I want to."

His eyes widened slightly, but immediately narrowed as if he were suspicious. I leaned in close to him so that our lips were almost touching and whispered, "I want this, Peeta." And then I put my lips back on his.

I was mildly surprised at my forwardness. But as his lips began to melt into mine, I remembered why I wanted this. His desire began to overcome his restraint as his hands came up to hold my face. His tongue began to probe the seam of my lips and I parted them for him, our tongues dancing and exploring each other's mouths.

I realized I had never kissed Peeta this way before. And I had definitely never kissed him this way without cameras around. I realized I liked kissing him like this. It was making me dizzy and breathless, and made me feel light as a feather.

He was leaning against the headboard, mostly sitting up, and I sat with my body facing his. I tilted my head so that he could deepen the kiss and found myself drawing closer to him. I was now partially leaning on him, my hands on his chest. His hands moved to my sides, pulling me even closer until our chests were flush against each other.

We searched for new angles, our gasps mingling, and the heat mounting. All thoughts of the Quarter Quell left my mind as I became lost in this kiss. I began to wonder how I had never allowed myself to feel this before. Is this what Peeta had dreamed of all along?

All of my senses were becoming heightened and I noticed things I had never noticed before. Like how sculpted Peeta's chest muscles felt under my fingertips, how strong but gentle his hands were, how soft and sweet his lips tasted.

Suddenly, as if they had a mind of their own, my hands were slipping down his chest to the hem of his shirt. I slowly slid my hands underneath, feeling his stomach muscles flinch at my touch and goosebumps rise on his skin. I ran my hands over his bare skin, feeling the light dusting of hair around his navel and across his chest.

When I stretched my arms to reach around his back and dug my nails in, this seemed to trigger something in him. He groaned as his lips left mine and began to kiss across my cheek and down my neck.

I moaned slightly as his actions sent shivers down my spine. His hands began to knead the flesh of my hips, as if they were itching to touch more of me. I leaned my head back farther for him to have better access to my neck. I didn't want him to stop what he was doing, but he did when my hands ran down the tops of his thighs.

He was panting, his breath ragged. I opened my eyes to see why he had stopped. Even though I could tell he was trying to calm down, I could see his eyes smoldering in the moonlight. And I noticed other things too. Like how his hair was now mussed and his lips were swollen.

"Katniss," he breathed out. "I…We…We should stop."

"Why?" I asked, sounding a little too innocent.

He swallowed audibly. "I don't want you to do anything you'll regret," he whispered, dropping his eyes from my stare and running his hands over his face.

I knew what he was referring to. I had never really given much thought to it in the past, resolute in my decision to never get married or have children. But the way Peeta was making me feel right now was quickly making that decision seem less and less significant. And getting lost like this made all of my grief seem so distant. I didn't want Peeta to stop. I wanted to get lost in him.

I gently pried his hands away from his face and forced him to look up at me. The longing was still etched in his face, but his eyes were full of regret. I wanted him to be able to forget his grief too – if only for a little while.

I leaned forward and kissed him again, hoping this kiss would convey what I wanted him to understand. It must have worked because it seemed the rest of his restraint dissolved.

He suddenly grabbed me and guided me to lie down next to him on the bed. As our kissing became more and more heated, I drew closer to him again until our bodies were flush against each other.

I felt something hard poking my lower abdomen and flushed as I realized what it was. Normally, I think this would be something that Peeta would be embarrassed about, but he was so far gone he probably didn't even think about it.

And normally, this would be something that _I _would panic about, but instead it had the opposite effect. I felt oddly proud that I was responsible for his excitement. So I wrapped my leg around him to pull him closer to me until he was pressed against my core.

He let out a deep moan as I pushed against him and kissed me with more fervor. My hands trailed down to the edge of his shirt again until I was tugging it back up. We stopped kissing for a moment to remove his shirt and then immediately reconnected once it was flung to the side.

My hands explored his naked chest, running my fingers down his stomach and feeling the muscles twitch in my wake.

His hands squeezed my hips, and his fingers burned against my bare skin where my shirt had slightly ridden up. I tried to subtly maneuver in a way that made my shirt rise farther. I wanted to feel his hands on me. But Peeta, ever the gentlemen, would need a more obvious hint than that before he did something so bold with me.

"Peeta…" I breathed as he began to trail kisses down my neck and to my collar bone. I felt his tongue flick against my skin and I shivered with pleasure.

A heat that I didn't understand was beginning to pool between my legs and I moaned as I pushed myself against him. He seemed even harder than before. I had the sudden urge to feel him, but was completely unsure of how to do it properly so I continued running my hands over his naked chest and back, feeling his sculpted muscles.

To my surprise, his hands began to move further up my sides until they were just under my breasts. Not close enough to touch them, but enough to make me _want _him to touch them. Realizing that he wasn't going to do it himself, I grabbed the edge of my nightshirt and pulled it over my head, breaking our kiss.

His eyes widened. I noticed that he was doing all he could to keep his eyes on my face, but I gently took his hands and placed them back where they had been before, just under my breasts. I wasn't wearing a bra and the burning sensation where his hands were intensified. His will finally broke and he glanced down at my bared breasts. His eyes smoldered and his mouth fell slightly open. Once he looked though, it was as if he couldn't look away.

I pushed against him again to pull him out of his trance, and we moaned in unison at the delicious friction. Then his hands were suddenly caressing the sides of my breasts with feathery light touches.

I gasped at the sensation and arched towards him, desperately seeking for him to touch me. He seemed to catch the hint and kissed me tenderly as his hands fully cupped my small breasts. His thumbs began to rub around my nipples, which had hardened and puckered significantly, and I moaned more loudly.

Peeta's mouth covered my own to drown out the moan as he continued to massage my breasts and tease my nipples. When he kissed down my neck and began peppering kisses on my breasts I thought that there couldn't be a greater feeling, but then his mouth closed around a peak and I gasped loudly, arching into him.

He continued sucking and teasing, moving onto the other nipple. My hands found their way into his hair and tugged. He hummed in approval with my nipple in his mouth and the vibrations escalated the pleasure.

The next thing I knew, he was hovering over me, cradled between my legs. I felt his hardness teasing my core and I wrapped my legs around his thighs to pull him closer to me. We gasped against each other's mouths at the sensation.

I wasn't sure why it felt good for him to press there, but it did. And with each kiss to my mouth and breasts, the better it felt.

I became so lost in the sensation, that I didn't realize I was pulling at Peeta's pants until he stopped me.

"Katniss, we really need stop," he said quietly, leaning his forehead against mine, panting slightly.

"I don't want to," I whined.

He suddenly rolled off of me and flopped down on his back next to me.

I sat up to look at him, frustrated. "Why do we have to stop?" I demanded.

He stared up at the ceiling as he answered, "Because…we just do."

"That's not an answer," I said, irritated.

He sighed, but still wouldn't look at me. "I just…I can't do this."

Confusion swelled in me. "Why?" I suddenly felt very self-conscious and crossed my arms over my breasts.

It suddenly occurred to me that I might not be the first person Peeta had done this with. The green fog of jealousy crept into my mind. I felt my face form a scowl. "You've done this before haven't you? With someone else?"

He finally looked at me, surprise and confusion flickering in his narrowed eyes. "No. Why would you think that?"

I inwardly sighed with relief and the jealously fled. I shrugged. "You just...Because...A lot of girls like you. A lot of prettier girls..." I mumbled.

"Katniss, you seriously think that I don't find you pretty?" he asked, sitting up.

I shrugged.

"Well you're right...I don't find you pretty. I find you beautiful. Radiant. Stunning. Pretty doesn't even come close to describing how I see you." He took my hands in his, baring my breasts to him again. "I could never do this with anyone else. No one even compares to you."

"Then I don't understand," I whispered.

He sighed. "It's just…this isn't how I wanted this to happen."

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to do this because you love me, Katniss," he stated, his eyes boring into mine.

I couldn't hold his stare at those words. We were silent for a few moments as I formulated a response. When I had, I suddenly felt bold and moved to straddle him on the bed. His eyes got wide with shock as I pinned his arms down above his head. I could feel his manhood twitch against the back of my leg in excitement.

"Peeta, I don't know what to call what I feel for you," I began. "But I know this: I need you. And I can't stand the thought of anything happening to you. When I think about losing you, I can feel myself falling apart. When I wake up from a nightmare, your arms are the ones I want around me. Your voice is the one I want to hear…"

Peeta looked as if he were about to protest but I cut him off. "I need you Peeta. And I can't live without you. I don't know if that's love, but...I...I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else."

When I ended my speech, Peeta just stared at me dumbfounded. Shaking off the shock _I _felt at my own words, I became too impatient for his reply, and leaned down, still pinning his arms above his head, and kissed him deeply. He immediately responded, and the heat with which he kissed me back set me on fire and stole my breath away.

Even though I was straddling him, he was still stronger than me. He easily flipped us over until he was hovering over me again, grinding his hips into mine. This time, when I began to pull at his pants, he didn't stop me. I pushed his pants past his hips and he kicked them off the rest of the way, leaving him in black boxer briefs which did little to hide his hardened manhood.

His hands gently skimmed my sides as he began kissing and sucking my breasts again. Eventually, his hands ended up pulling my pants down too, leaving me in a pair of white cotton panties. I pushed my hips up into his, feeling his hardness in a new way. We both gasped loudly and he grinded into me again.

Seeing this side of Peeta was intoxicating. I had never seen him so unrestrained, so forward with his desires. He was always kind and gentle, but his actions now were so demanding and full of passion that it deliciously shocked me.

Suddenly, he stopped kissing my breasts and began to trail kisses down my abdomen, tantalizingly slow. When he reached the top of my panties, he looked up at me, as if he were asking permission. I nodded and lifted my hips up so that he could remove them. He tenderly kissed my thighs and hips as he made his way back up to my face, lying on his side next to me. His hand trailed down to my center as his tongue delved deeply into my mouth, making me moan.

When his fingers slid against my folds, he nuzzled my neck. He let out a low groan when one of his fingers found my entrance and slid in. The sensation was unlike anything I had ever experienced and I moaned appreciatively.

He pulled his finger back and slid it up my folds, suddenly hitting a sensitive spot that made my hips buck off of the bed. I gasped loudly and Peeta's eyes widened as he continued to rub the spot. I was so aroused by what he was doing to me that I reached over to feel him through his boxers. He let out a deep groan, throwing his head back. His fingers momentarily ceased their movements against my folds as he became lost in his own pleasure.

As if catching himself, he took a deep breath and returned his fingers to my folds. But as he picked up his rubbing again, I pulled his hand away and reached out with my other hand to grip the waistband of his boxers. Looking into my eyes, he understood what I wanted and helped me pull them down, his manhood springing free.

I could see him tremble slightly as he resisted the urge to cover himself. Having been heartbroken by me before, he must have felt so vulnerable and afraid that I would suddenly panic and change my mind upon seeing him.

I tried to resist the urge to look at him, but eventually my curiosity won. I looked down at him and let out a breath. I had seen men naked before when they were brought to my mother for healing, but I had never seen an aroused man before. It was different than I had imagined. Large, throbbing, insistent.

Instead of feeling my instinctual panic, I felt warmth for Peeta spread through my chest and I kissed him deeply as I wrapped my hand around his manhood, eliciting a moan from him. It didn't feel like I imagined it would. It was hard and soft at the same time, burning in my hand. Unsure of what to do, I squeezed again before opting to stroke him up and down.

It must have felt good, because Peeta rolled the rest of the way over onto his back, letting out a long, deep moan. I noticed his forehead was shiny with sweat and his hair clung to it.

I continued to stroke him until he gently pulled my hand away, forcing me onto my back again. As he hovered over me, his manhood pressed against my folds, I decided I wanted him to make love to me. I knew he would ask me a million times if I was sure, so without a word, I reached down between us to take him in my hand again. He lifted his hips a little bit to allow me easier access and I took the opportunity to gently tug him toward my entrance. I locked my legs around him tighter, pulling him closer to me, and guiding him into me.

I could feel him trembling as he held himself up on his arms, trying to maintain self-control. When he was partially inside of me, I felt him reach a barrier that made me inhale sharply.

"Katniss, we don't have to do this," he said, tenderly brushing my hair back from my face and attempting to pull out of me.

"No," I said, vehemently shaking my head. "I want this."

The look in my eyes must have conveyed my seriousness because he did not protest. He simply nodded and said, "Tell me when you're ready. And tell me if you want me to stop."

I nodded in agreement then took a deep breath as I said, "I'm ready."

With a final thrust of his hips, he had broken the barrier and was completely sheathed inside of me. I gasped at the pain as he gasped in pleasure, nearly collapsing on top of me.

"Are you okay?" he asked, collecting himself.

"Yes, just give me a moment," I replied quietly.

He kissed me as he allowed me to adjust to him.

When the pain had subsided to a slight discomfort, I let out a breath and said, "Okay."

He pulled his hips away from me, almost completely withdrawing from me, and then gently thrust back into me. After several more thrusts, he began to find a rhythm that seemed to please us both.

When I began meeting his thrusts, his arms buckled. "Katniss, I…I can't…I won't be able to…" he whispered, flushing.

I kissed him tenderly as I locked my legs around the backs of his legs, guiding him into me and letting him know it was alright.

He persisted with the steady rhythm for a little longer until his thrusts came quicker and a little more forcefully. He continued to quicken his thrusts, until they were frantic and he was panting desperately above me.

I wrapped my arms around him, placing my hands on his back, feeling the tenseness of his muscles. He shivered as I raked my nails down his back and then suddenly he went rigid above me. I looked up at him with intrigue as his muscles went taut, his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth fell open, and he let out a loud agonizing moan. I felt him pulsate inside of me and a warm rush spread through my abdomen. Then he collapsed on top of me, shuddering.

I kissed the top of his head as he tried to catch his breath.

After his breathing slowed, he turned his head to look at me. "Katniss, that was…that was amazing," he said. "Thank you." He peppered my face with kisses then tenderly kissed my lips.

I smiled down at him but suddenly his face fell and he looked serious. "Did that…did it feel good for you?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"But did you…did you…" he trailed off, seeming embarrassed.

"Did I what?" I asked, confused.

Instead of answering, he rolled off of me onto his side, pulling out of me. I felt a stickiness on my thighs and felt fluid leaking out of me. Peeta suddenly let his fingers trail down to my folds again where he immediately found that sensitive spot. It was even more sensitive than before and I gasped loudly as my hips bucked off the bed.

Peeta took on a look of concentration as he began to rub the spot intently, making me writhe and moan his name. I felt a tightening in my lower abdomen building, until suddenly it was as if my body couldn't take anymore and I felt a release. The pleasure radiated throughout my entire body, sending tingles down my legs and up my spine.

As I fought to catch my breath, I felt Peeta stroking my face gently. When I opened my eyes, I saw the sun was rising and was beginning to illuminate the room.

The dread of what was to come suddenly came crashing down on me again. Peeta must have thought the same thing because his face fell.

"Katniss," he began quietly. "No matter what happens in that arena, remember tonight. And remember how much…how much I love you."

He caressed my cheek as he said this and I felt tears well up in my eyes. "I won't forget," I promised as I leaned in to kiss him, silently thinking I wouldn't have to remember for very long if Haymitch held up his end of the deal and got Peeta out alive instead of me.

When I pulled away, I saw a soft, sad smile gracing his lips. "You have no idea how much that means to me. How much this meant to me. I understand what you've just given to me, Katniss, and I'm going to treasure that for the rest of my life." The fact that the rest of his life could only be a few more days went unspoken. But I silently promised him that I would get him out of the arena alive.

I smiled back at him as the sun rose a little higher and the golden hues highlighted his hair and eyelashes. I cuddled up next to him in the position we started the night in and watched the sun rise with him, his hand tenderly stroking my naked shoulder as mine played with the dark hairs on his chest.

Suddenly there was a soft knock on the door, letting us know it was time to get up. Peeta sighed and turned to leave a lingering kiss on my forehead.

I reluctantly moved away so that he could get up. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. I watched his back muscles flex as he leaned down to pick up his boxers and pull them on. He found the rest of his clothes and pulled them back on as well.

As he walked to the door he turned around to look at me and said with a melancholy smile, "I'll see you soon."


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**_~Katniss~_**

**AFTER THE QUELL**

When Haymitch came to tell me that the rescue team was back with Peeta, my heart caught in my throat.

I had been waiting to hear those words for so long that I almost didn't believe them. Was Peeta finally back? Safe? Away from Snow's clutches?

I jumped up and rushed to keep up with Haymitch as he led me toward the hospital. I followed him through a maze of hallways until he finally turned into a room. He stepped aside so that I could see Peeta.

He was sitting on a hospital bed, his back to me. The doctors hovering over him glanced up and took a step back from him when they saw me.

He was wearing a hospital gown and his blonde hair was matted and dark with grime.

"Peeta…" I breathed out shakily, still hardly believing that he was finally here before me.

His whole body tensed and his head lifted up slightly, as if he wasn't really sure he heard me.

I slowly approached him, walking around the bed to face him. He turned his head and looked at me as I made my way in front of him.

I quickly noticed that his face was a mixture of colors. Mostly reds and purples. I realized the colors were bruises and scrapes. On his right temple that was turned toward me was a series of cuts where it looked like someone had beaten him so hard that the skin had split.

The skin around his eyes was various shades of purple and green. Old bruises and new ones. The corner of his mouth was split and caked with dried blood. Dark stubble outlined his jaw, which was not something I had seen before as he was always clean-shaven due to the Capitol stylists.

But what caused my breath to hitch was how thin his face was. How thin _he _was. His cheeks were hollow, and his eyes seemed sunken into his head, making his cheek bones more pronounced. The clothes he was wearing looked much too big for him, and I could see his protruding collar bone from the dip in the front of his shirt.

I finally stopped and stood before him. I couldn't help the smile that spread itself on my face, despite how bad he looked. The relief I felt knowing that he was finally safe was overwhelming.

When our gazes met, I was taken aback by the wariness I saw in his eyes. Peeta had never looked at me that way before.

I wasn't sure what to do next. Should I reach out for him? Should I hug him? Peeta was the one who usually initiated those kinds of things. I wasn't very good at physical affection.

"Peeta," I began. "I…"

But he cut me off.

"Katniss, please leave" he begged as he shrunk away from me on the hospital bed.

I stood in complete shock as he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his hands. I had never seen Peeta this way before. Never.

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I looked at Haymitch for guidance. He looked just as confused and worried as I felt. He looked at the doctors questioningly.

One of them spoke up, "Perhaps you should leave, Miss Everdeen."

I was rooted to the floor, still staring at Peeta as he seemed to shrink further away from me.

Haymitch came over to me and gently led me out of the room. But after the door was shut behind us, I broke away from Haymitch's grip and ran toward my secret closet, tears streaming down my face.

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><p>I lost track of time as I sat on the floor of the closet, crying. I didn't understand. Why was Peeta afraid of me? He had never been afraid of me. Did I startle him? Did I look bad? Since when did I even care how I looked – especially in front of Peeta whom I had been in two Hunger Games arenas with?<p>

I was beginning to realize that it was rejection I was feeling. And rejection was something I had never felt, especially from someone whom I cared about so deeply. Anger began to bubble in me – my first defense toward getting emotionally hurt.

I don't know what I had expected him to do. Maybe hug me. Or kiss me. But we never did that without a camera on us…except for the night before the Quarter Quell…

For a few nights, after I had first arrived in District 13, I tried to imagine Peeta's arms around me as I lay in bed, attempting to sleep. I tried to imagine the sound of his beating heart under my ear, lulling me to sleep. But that often led to thoughts – and dreams – of what happened that night before the Quarter Quell. And I couldn't let my thoughts go there. It was dangerous. If there was any glue that was still holding me together, it didn't stand a chance if I thought about that night.

So I pushed those thoughts into the deepest corners of my mind, locking them away with my feelings about it.

Haymitch eventually found me in the closet and plopped down on the floor next to me. He let out a breath before he began, "He's fine."

I looked up at him skeptically. Peeta didn't seem fine.

"He wants to see you," Haymitch continued.

"I don't care," I said stubbornly. "I don't want to see him."

Haymitch chuckled. "Girl on fire, alright."

I scowled at him.

"Hey, I'm serious now," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "He needs you. He wants to see you."

"Then why did he tell me to leave?" I demanded.

Haymitch sighed. "I don't know, sweetheart. Maybe he was embarrassed."

Embarrassed? In front of me? I was the last person Peeta needed to feel ashamed in front of. We had been through two arenas together – seen each other at our worst. My heart clenched at the thought of him being embarrassed in front of me.

I contemplated what to do. I should go see him. What if he told me to leave again? What if he _rejected _me again?

Haymitch could read me like a book and saw my inner turmoil reflecting in my eyes. "I don't think he'll tell you to leave again."

After a few more moments, I finally nodded. He stood up before me to help me to my feet, then silently led me back to Peeta's hospital room.

I chewed on the inside of my mouth the whole way there, contemplating what to say. Why was I so nervous now? Peeta _wanted _to see me. And I wanted to see him. I wanted to have the reunion we didn't have earlier. My heart gave a little leap at that thought. I decided not to analyze that.

"I'll be right outside," Haymitch said quietly.

I nodded, took a deep breath, then opened the door.

The lights in the room were very dim, but the little lights on the medical machinery around the room blinked at me.

As my eyes adjusted, I saw Peeta propped up on the hospital bed I had seen him in earlier. He appeared to be asleep, so I merely stood there, letting it sink in that he was really here.

I noticed he was now wearing a clean hospital gown, and I could see some stitches on his right temple. The lower half of his body was covered with a white blanket and I could see a couple of tubes protruding from his arm, hooked up to some machinery.

"Katniss?" he suddenly said sleepily, startling me.

"I'm here," I replied quietly, not moving any closer to him just yet. The rejection from earlier made me wary.

We just stared at each other for a moment. Neither of us sure what to do – at least I wasn't.

"Katniss, I…I'm so sorry about earlier. Can you come over here?" he said pleadingly, finally breaking the tense silence.

I silently obliged and moved closer to him until I was about five feet away from his side.

He chuckled softly. "Closer."

I tentatively took a few more steps until I was right beside him. I looked down into his face and tried not to dwell on how much thinner his face looked in the dim light. My hands hung loosely at my sides and I saw his eyes dart down to them.

I nearly gasped when I suddenly felt one of his hands gently take one of my own. The surge of warmth I felt radiate from his hand into mine, into my arm, and then throughout my whole body stole my breath. I hadn't realized until this moment how much I had missed his touch. It had become so familiar to me during the Victory Tour and then the Quarter Quell, that I didn't realize how secure it made me feel until he was no longer with me.

His hand didn't feel as large in mine as it had before he had been captured, but I chose to ignore that and just be grateful that I was touching his hand at all.

My relief must have registered on my face because he smiled gently at me, then whispered, with a serious expression, "I missed you so much."

I finally let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and whispered back, "I missed you too."

He smiled so wide that I couldn't help but smile back. And then out of nowhere, I felt tears leaking down my cheeks. It was like the dam inside me had finally burst. All of those days and weeks, wondering if he was alive, thinking I would never see him again, watching him become a shadow of his former self in the Capitol propos…And now he was here. With me. Alive. Holding my hand. The relief I felt was overwhelming.

His expression immediately changed to one of concern as he noticed my tears, and he reached out with his other hand to gently touch my cheek and brush a tear away with his thumb. I felt warmth spread from the spot on my cheek where his thumb touched.

"Katniss, don't cry," he begged worriedly. "Please, don't cry."

"I-I'm sorry," I said through my sobs. I was beginning to make that terrible choking sound. "I just – I'm so glad – " I let out an exasperated sigh as my tears subsided – "I'm no good with words!"

My thoughts briefly flickered to my eloquent speech the night before the Quarter Quell. The speech that persuaded him…no, I couldn't think about that.

Peeta tugged on my hand, guiding me to sit next to him. I did so without hesitation and immediately curled into him, laying my head against his chest and clutching the front of his hospital gown. As his arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him, I listened intently to the steady beating of his heart. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

We remained like that for a while. Not speaking, just soaking up each other's presence. I felt like I had been dehydrated, searching desperately for something to quench my thirst, and I had finally found the river. I felt so full now, that I grew tired. My emotions had been on overload for so long, that now they could rest. The source of my worry was now here with me. Locked in my embrace.

I could hear Peeta's steady breathing and glanced up at him. Seeing that he had fallen asleep, his head leaning toward mine, I felt myself relax further. I quickly fell asleep too.

* * *

><p>I awoke some time later, feeling more well-rested than I had ever felt. My dreams had been free of nightmares and I was so warm and comfortable that I was tempted to go back to sleep.<p>

But I suddenly registered the sound of Peeta's heartbeat beneath my ear and remembered where I was. I slowly glanced up at him and saw that he was awake, gazing at me with those intense blue eyes.

There was no trace of the heaviness that had been in his features yesterday. While he was obviously still thin and battered, his eyes were sparkling. I felt my heart leap at the sight. I was almost giddy over the fact that we were waking up together without the dread of the Hunger Games or even President Snow hanging over our heads.

"Good morning," he said, his voice husky from sleep.

"Good morning," I replied through a yawn. "How are you feeling?" I asked timidly.

He smiled broadly. "Wonderful. Except…" He paused, his eyes darting away from mine.

My brows furrowed in concern. "Except what?"

"I really need to use the restroom," he said sheepishly.

"Oh, okay," I replied, hurriedly getting up from the bed.

He stayed still as I looked at him expectantly. It suddenly dawned on me that he might need help.

"Do you want me to get a nurse?" I asked.

"No, I'll be fine."

I nodded and waited, but after another minute he still wasn't moving.

"Peeta, just let me get a nurse," I urged.

"No!" He looked up at me pleadingly. "Please don't. Let me have at least some of my dignity back."

My face fell with his comment, but I tried not to let it bother me.

After a few more moments of him continuing to sit there, not responding or moving, a thought occurred to me.

Without warning, and definitely without permission, I yanked the blanket back. His hospital gown came to the tops of his knees, but that's where one of his legs ended. When I saw the stump of his leg, I gasped, covering my mouth with my hands.

His prosthetic was no longer attached, and the stump of his leg was wrapped in white gauze. But above where the gauze ended, I could see his leg was black and purple, completely bruised and swollen.

"Peeta," I breathed. "What did they do to you?"

He quickly pulled the blanket up to cover his legs. "Katniss, I didn't want you to see that," he said sharply.

I stared at him, baffled at his response. I remembered what Haymitch said yesterday about Peeta being embarrassed, and pushed away my instinct to get angry and defensive. But then tears blurred my vision, which completely shocked me. Why was I crying? I was thinking I would have preferred being angry when I heard Peeta say imploringly, "No, no, I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I can't handle it, Katniss."

I blinked back the tears, bringing my vision back into focus.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have done that."

He shook his head. "It's okay. It's not like you haven't seen my leg in bad condition before." He smirked slightly, but I could tell he was trying to put a brave face on.

I smiled gently back.

"So…how will you get around?" I asked hesitantly.

He sighed. "There's a wheelchair over there."

I followed his stare and saw it against one of the walls of his room. I grabbed it and wheeled it over to him.

He didn't seem too thrilled to use it.

"Peeta, once your leg heals they can reattach your prosthetic," I tried to reassure him.

He mumbled an, "I know," as he pushed the covers back and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

I moved to the other side of the bed to pull around his IV cart so that the tubes in his arm wouldn't disconnect when he went to the bathroom. I wasn't sure exactly what they were all for, but if they were healing him, I definitely didn't want to remove them.

After I had brought the IV cart around, I pushed the wheelchair as close to him as possible. He pushed himself to stand on his one leg, steadying himself against the bed. As he tried to maneuver to lower himself into the chair, he wobbled dangerously. I reached out, placing my hands on his sides to steady him. I swallowed back the lump in my throat as I realized I could feel every single one of his ribs against the palms of my hands.

"Take this," I ordered, as I pulled the IV cart over to him to take so I could push his chair.

Once we were in the bathroom and I had wheeled him as close to the toilet as possible, I asked, "Are you sure you don't need help?"

He nodded, but he must have seen my worry because he said, "I'll call if I do."

I nodded, then left the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

After a minute or so, I heard a muffled curse come through the bathroom door.

I went to the door and called through, "Are you alright?"

I heard him sigh exasperatedly. "Yes…No…I need some help."

Not allowing any time for my mind to panic about what kind of help he might need, I tentatively pushed the door open. He was sitting on the ground, his hospital gown pushed up to his hips, but he was wearing a pair of white boxers underneath. I inwardly sighed with relief.

"What happened?" I asked, as I pushed the wheelchair closer to him, then helped pull him up into the chair. He was so light…

"I was just trying to wash my hands and I lost my balance and fell," he said exasperatedly.

"At least you're okay," I replied.

He sighed. "Yeah."

After he was back on his bed and I had adjusted the IV cart, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Peeta called as a nurse walked in followed closely by Haymitch.

I took little notice of the nurse as she asked Peeta how he was feeling, seeing the look in Haymitch's eyes. Something was wrong. My heart began to race.

He motioned with his head for me to follow him out of the room.

I turned back to Peeta, seeing that the nurse was checking his vitals.

"I'll be back soon," I said quietly to him.

He nodded and I followed Haymitch out of the room.

"What's wrong?" I asked Haymitch, dreading the answer.

He sighed. "You better sit down for this, sweetheart."

"No."

Haymitch shook his head and mumbled, "Suit yourself," before he continued. "They ran some tests on Peeta yesterday."

I swallowed. "What kinds of tests?"

"I won't go into all of them. I didn't understand most of them myself. They said for the most part, he's fine. He'll heal."

"For the most part?" I squeaked out.

Haymitch ran a hand through his hair. "They don't think…they don't think he will be able to walk again."

The sight of Peeta's bruised stump came to mind and I swallowed back bile. "I…I saw his leg," I replied quietly. "It won't heal?"

Haymitch shrugged. "The doctors don't think so. They told me that…" He swallowed. "That it was ripped from his leg and most likely caused permanent damage."

Peeta's prosthetic had not just been buckled onto his leg, it had been _attached_. Connected to nerves and muscles and even bone. I couldn't imagine the excruciating pain that must have left him in if the Capitol had ripped it out.

I felt nauseated. I finally took Haymitch's advice and sat down on one of the chairs outside of Peeta's room.

"Can they do anything?" I asked.

"They're still analyzing the x-rays and are going to run a few more tests. They said that his leg _could _heal, but only time will tell. And even then it's still only a very slight possibility."

I nodded my head, realizing that I had lost my voice.

"There's something else, Katniss," Haymitch said gravely.

I slowly looked up at him, wondering what else they could have possibly done to Peeta besides beat him, malnourish him, and take away his ability to walk.

"They ran some psychiatric tests too." He cleared his throat. "I don't understand all of it. But they did some kind of test where they say certain words and show him certain images to see what kind of reactions he has.

"They showed him a picture of you, and I guess he had a positive response. But when they showed a picture of the two of you…kissing…on the beach in the Quell…"

My heart thudded.

"He had…well, let's just say he had a negative response," Haymitch said, not quite meeting my eyes.

I swallowed before I asked quietly, "What…what did he do?"

"I guess he…he freaked out and begged for the picture to be hidden."

A brief image of Peeta hovering over me, panting, as he gently thrust in and out of me the night before the Quell flashed in my mind. That was way beyond our kiss in the arena…

I pushed the thought aside and then remembered how he held me last night.

"I don't understand," I stated. "He held me last night…"

Haymitch nodded. "They don't think his…feelings…toward you have changed. But it seems that he shies away from – shall we say – extreme physical affection?"

My brow furrowed. So Peeta could hold me or hold my hand, but he couldn't kiss me…or…do more?

Before I had a chance to analyze my feelings about that, I asked "Did the Capitol do this to him?"

Haymitch nodded.

"But…how?"

"They think it was another kind of torture. They did something to him that made him afraid of that kind of affection."

I could hear the blood pounding in my ears as I briefly considered what they would have done to make him feel that way. I thought of Finnick…

"Haymitch," I choked out. "Do you…do you think…Snow did to him what he did to Finnick?"

Haymitch's face became very grave and I saw the storm raging in his Seam grey eyes. He wanted to lie to me and tell me no, but he knew that we were too similar. I could read him just as easily as he could read me.

"I don't know, Katniss," he finally answered, putting his head in his hands.

I had never seen Haymitch so distraught and it took me slightly aback. I knew the guilt must be weighing heavily on him, and not being able to drown himself in liquor because of District 13's lack of alcohol wasn't helping.

Unable to take any more of this conversation, I silently left and made my way to my closet again.

* * *

><p>My thoughts raged and screamed, frantically running through my mind. But all of my thoughts had one thing in common – Peeta.<p>

What did they do to him? And if Snow made him…if he made him do what he made Finnick do...I couldn't even handle the thought. I tried not to think about all of the different situations Peeta could have been in, but images flashed through my mind that I couldn't contain or control.

Images of our actions the night before the Quell flew through my mind. But instead of me in those images, it was other women – clients in the Capitol. I suddenly felt a deep possessiveness over Peeta. And a burning anger toward those faceless women. And Snow. Always Snow.

I began to silently cry as I thought about how badly I had failed Peeta. I should have never left him in the arena. Then none of this would have happened. _But then you might both be dead. _But it might be better if we were dead. _No, remember how he smiled at you yesterday when you told him you missed him?_

How was I ever going to face him with this knowledge? Did he even remember what happened to him? Would he ever talk about it? I definitely wasn't going to ask him.

I suddenly remembered that I had promised him I would come back. It had been several hours since then. I couldn't let him down.

I pulled myself together and made my way back to his hospital room.

He was just finishing his breakfast in bed when I got there. I got a whiff of whatever he was eating and felt a wave of nausea pass through my stomach.

The feeling seemed insignificant when his face lit up upon seeing me. I felt my heart lighten and clench at the same time. _What did they do to you?_

"How was your breakfast?" I asked, trying to sound light-hearted.

He shrugged. "Not too bad. Much better than nothing."

I could tell he immediately regretted saying that, but I acted like it didn't bother me.

"So what are your plans for the day?" I asked feigning cheerfulness.

"Katniss…" he began and I knew he had already seen through my façade. "I can tell something is wrong. What is it?"

I shook my head and gently sat down on the edge of his bed, facing him. "Nothing is wrong," I stated, then I tried one of my most brilliant smiles but it failed so horribly that Peeta actually laughed.

"You're such a bad liar, Katniss." His face became serious again. "Please tell me what's wrong. Don't lie to me."

I swallowed, considering how I could tell him the truth but leave out some of it as well. "Well…" I began, slowly. "Haymitch…Haymitch told me about…about your leg."

I quickly looked up at him, to see his reaction. He was staring at me intently.

"What did he say?" Peeta asked, piercing me with his gaze.

My thoughts raced. They hadn't told Peeta yet? That he may never walk again?

I gathered my thoughts and responded, "Just that it was in bad condition."

"Katniss, don't try to sugarcoat it for me. I know how bad it is. I _felt _how bad it is."

I winced at his words, trying to push away the thoughts of him screaming from my mind.

"They said I probably won't walk again," he said so quietly that I barely heard him.

So he did know. I looked up at him again and saw that he was looking down at his lap, his forehead creased with grief.

My heart ached for him and I slowly reached out to take one of his hands. "But they said there's still a chance. Only time will tell."

Peeta didn't look convinced. "They said they're going to run some more tests today, to see if surgery will do anything."

"Well, maybe it will," I said, trying to sound hopeful. "But either way, Peeta, I'll be here. I won't leave you."

He looked up at me then, his eyes deep watery pools. Even though I could tell he was devastated about the fact that he may never walk again, I could see how much he appreciated hearing me say those words to him.

"Thank you, Katniss," he whispered.

Suddenly, he was leaning toward me. His eyes darting down to my lips. My heart thudded with anticipation. I felt myself leaning closer to him, completely forgetting what Haymitch had told me earlier.

Just as our lips were about to touch, Peeta's eyes snapped open and he pulled back. I sat there stunned, still leaning forward.

"I can't do this," Peeta said hurriedly. "I'm so sorry, Katniss. I can't."

What Haymitch told me earlier flooded my mind. I was so stupid! How could I forget when what he had told me had consumed my thoughts for most of the morning?

I quickly rose from the bed, not looking at Peeta. I tried not to feel rejection, but I could feel its fingers brushing against my heart.

"I should go," I said hurriedly, realizing I was either about to cry or get angry. My face was flushing. I felt that nausea again.

"No, please don't leave, Katniss," Peeta begged. "I'm so sorry. I-I can't…Just, please don't leave."

"I have to…," I choked out as my stomach churned violently, and I ran toward the bathroom, barely getting the toilet seat up before I vomited into it.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**_~Peeta~_**

When I saw Katniss for the first time after being rescued from the Capitol, I had very conflicting feelings. I was relieved that she was alive and at least appeared to be healthy. But the urge to hold her and shower her with kisses was so overwhelming that I had to ask her to leave. It broke _my _heart to break _her_ heart like that, but I couldn't risk violating my deal with Snow. I needed to make sure I could maintain self-control around her.

After she left, the doctors conducted some tests that I didn't quite understand the purpose of. One of the tests consisted of showing me various pictures then asking how I felt about each one. When they showed me a picture of Katniss and me kissing on the beach all I could think of was the night before the Quarter Quell...the best night of my life.

Being with Katniss in that way had been nothing short of amazing. I knew baring her body and soul to me like that was not easy for her, having been so guarded since her father died. It was an intoxicating experience, to say the least. One that I knew I could easily become addicted to. But knowing that I may never have that again was killing me. So I begged for the picture to be taken away.

Later, the doctors performed a multitude of screenings of my body. I knew my leg – or what was left of it – was in pretty bad condition. Remembering the pain when my prosthetic was ripped out made me cringe.

It was right after I had given the warning to District 13. They had beaten me before they took me back to my cell, while they took me back to my cell, and after. I knew that night would revisit me in my nightmares. I could never forget it…

_As the guards beat me, pounding my face and kicking my ribs and back, I curled into a ball on the floor of my cell and tried to tune out the pain by conjuring up images of Katniss that night before the Quarter Quell. How beautiful and smooth her skin was, how her hair looked splayed out on the pillows beneath her head, the expression on her face when I brought her to release…_

_But a voice commanding the guards to stop shattered the images and brought me back to reality. _

_President Snow. _

_I slightly opened my eyes, realizing that I could hardly see with how swollen they were._

_He slowly walked toward me and I hesitantly looked up at him, squinting into the bright lights that hovered over his head._

_"__That was quite a bold move you made, Mr. Mellark," Snow began, referring to my warning to District 13. "Your stunt might have even saved dear Miss Everdeen."_

_I just stared at him as he continued._

_"__You may think you're a hero, but it really won't matter in the end."_

_He squatted down next to where I lay on the floor and the scent of blood and roses nearly made me gag._

_"__The rebels may think they are gaining momentum, but the Capitol's power hasn't even revealed itself by half yet. So when the rebellion has been quelled, and its symbolic Mockingjay has been captured, what do you think will happen then?"_

_I felt fear and anger boiling in my blood. "I did what you asked!" I tried to yell, but it sounded like I was talking through cotton because my jaw and cheeks were so swollen. "You promised not to hurt her if I did the interviews! You're breaking your deal by bombing them!"_

_I was gasping for breath after my outburst, pain shooting through my chest and ribs. As if I wasn't in enough pain already, Snow looked up at a guard and nodded. The guard then landed another punch on my temple, breaking open the skin. I groaned in pain as the blow made me dizzy. I feebly rolled over onto my side and vomited what little contents were in my stomach, coughing and choking._

_Once the coughing had subsided, Snow began, "We're making a new deal, Mr. Mellark. And I would advise you to listen and not yell at me again."_

After we made our new deal, they ripped out my prosthetic. I had screamed so loud I was sure the whole Capitol had heard it. But, fortunately, I passed out from the pain.

The memory subsided when Haymitch had walked into my room.

"How ya feelin,' kid?" he had asked, moving to stand next to the hospital bed I was lying on.

"Not too bad," I replied.

Haymitch nodded and avoided eye contact with me. The guilt I knew he was feeling over having left me in the arena was evident in the lines of his face.

"I forgive you, Haymitch," I stated quietly.

He looked up at me, gratitude and relief flickering in his eyes. "We tried to get you out…" he began, looking away. "But I promised you I would get _her_ out. So we had to get her first…"

"I know. Thank you for keeping your promise," I replied, smiling softly to reaffirm to him that I harbored no bitterness or anger toward him.

Haymitch nodded and put his hand on my shoulder. "Just keep getting better, alright? She's been a mess without you."

I felt the sides of my mouth turn upwards slightly. "I will."

A hint of a smile played on his lips as he turned to leave. Before he shut the door behind him, I called after him, "Haymitch, can you ask Katniss to come back?"

He looked at me skeptically. "You sure?"

"Yes. Earlier I just…I…" I stumbled, unsure of how to explain the situation to him.

"I'll tell her," he said. "I'll check up on you later."

"Thanks," I replied as he walked out.

By the time Katniss actually came back, I had fallen asleep. The drugs I was on were making me drowsy, and the dim lights didn't help much either.

When I had awoken and saw her standing across the room, my breath caught in my throat. She looked apprehensive, which was probably my fault after having asked her to leave earlier.

After I had asked her to come closer, she caught me off guard when she began sobbing. The only other time I had seen her sob like that was after I had hit the force field in the arena and Finnick restarted my heart. Her sobbing over me like that had played tricks on my heart. It made me want to believe she loved me…but I wasn't about to believe that so easily again. Even after that night before the Quell.

Even though that night was amazing, I still felt that it was wrong somehow. I wanted it to be out of love, especially on her part, but her speech about her feelings toward me had shocked me and caused my heart to race. For a girl who lacked in the verbal communications department, she had woven her words into a beautiful speech that clearly came from her heart. Like the speech she gave for Rue in District 11 on the Victory Tour. It made me fall in love with her all over again.

That, on top of my plans to die for her in the arena, thinking that I would never have another chance to really _show _Katniss how I felt about her, clouded my judgment and I gave in to her…but it had been amazing…

I had to stop those thoughts of the night before the Quell. It would only make it harder for me to uphold my deal with Snow. But seeing Katniss sob like this was breaking my heart, so I justified that her curling up with me was innocent enough. Snow couldn't misinterpret that.

So I guided her to sit next to me on the bed, and when she curled into me, the way she had done all those nights on the train on the Victory Tour, I felt my whole body relax. We fit together so well, like puzzle pieces. This was where we belonged. I instantly fell back asleep.

* * *

><p>When I awoke the next morning, I couldn't stop staring at Katniss. How peaceful and content she looked, curled up against me on the hospital bed. Her steady breathing threatened to lull me back to sleep, but I was too mesmerized by her. Was this even real? Was I really here with her?<p>

When she finally woke up, I was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable from the need to relieve myself. I tried to ignore it, because then I knew Katniss would find out about my leg, but the urge was pretty persistent.

I don't know why I got so mad when she yanked the covers back and saw the stump of my leg. I should know by now that it's nearly impossible to hide things from her. She sniffs out everything. Probably a skill she acquired from hunting.

When I finally made it into the bathroom and had relieved myself, I was just beginning to think that I could probably do all of it again on my own when I had stumbled over the wheelchair and fell. But I swallowed my pride and asked Katniss for help.

I knew I shouldn't be so ashamed in front of her. She's probably the last person I need to be ashamed in front of. She had definitely seen me in much worse conditions during the 74th Hunger Games when Cato sliced my leg open with his sword. And then when the mutt took a chunk out of my calf which resulted in the amputation and the prosthetic.

I shivered at the memories.

After the nurse came in and checked my vitals, and Katniss left with Haymitch, the doctors came in to inform me about my leg. How I may never walk again…I felt my heart sink upon hearing that. I felt like whatever remained of my dignity had now been shredded into a million pieces.

The doctors said they would run some more tests to see if surgery was a possibility, but the looks in their eyes told me I shouldn't really get my hopes up.

After they left, I was alone with my thoughts for a while until I got a surprise visitor. Prim.

I couldn't help but smile at her. "Hi, Prim," I said cheerfully.

She smiled back. "Hi, Peeta. I've brought you some breakfast," she replied, as she held up a tray of food.

I thanked her and took the tray from her.

With my mouth full I asked, "So are you a nurse now or something?"

She averted her gaze and blushed. "Well, I guess so. They're going to train me to be a doctor," she said with a modest pride.

My eyebrows shot up. "Wow! That's great! Congratulations, Prim. I can't imagine anyone more suited for the job."

She beamed proudly.

"So how are you feeling?" she asked.

I tried not to think about my leg. "I'm great," I replied. "A few bumps and bruises. But I'll recover."

Prim nodded but didn't seem convinced by my words. She didn't voice her thoughts, though.

"I hope you don't mind," she began. "But I need to check your vitals and injuries. For practice."

I swallowed. I wasn't exactly comfortable with the idea of exposing my injuries to Prim. They wouldn't seem like minor bumps and bruises to her. But how could I refuse? I sort of had a soft spot for the little sister of the girl I was hopelessly in love with. Plus, this was helping her practice to become a doctor.

I nodded and moved the tray with my half-eaten breakfast aside.

She checked my vitals first. Took my blood pressure, looked into my eyes and ears, had me open my mouth and say "ahh." But when she asked me to remove my hospital gown so that she could listen to my heart, I hesitated. Not because I would be half naked in front of her, but because my injuries would be exposed to her.

"Peeta?" She looked at me questioningly when I made no move to remove my hospital gown.

"Sorry, yeah, I'll take it off," I replied as I pulled the gown over my head.

I heard her breathing hitch when she saw my naked torso.

I had bruises of all colors decorating my ribs, and, I had never actually looked at them, but I knew there were ugly whip lashes crisscrossing the length of my back. And in addition to all of that, I was appallingly thin. There was no trace of the muscle I had gained while training for the Quarter Quell. My collar bone protruded grotesquely, my ribs jutted out, and I was sure my spine could be seen the whole way down my back.

Prim swallowed audibly before she gingerly put the stethoscope up to my chest and listened to my heart beat. After she had listened to my lungs from my back and asked me to breathe in and out several times, she stepped away and finally spoke up.

"Are you in pain?" she asked, quietly, as if she were afraid of the answer.

I shrugged. "A little, but not much," I lied. My leg was what was causing me pain, but as long as I was hooked up to the morphling I couldn't even feel it. So I guess I wasn't totally lying.

She looked like she didn't believe me but she only said, "You can put your gown back on."

After she checked and cleaned the stiches on my temple, she said apologetically, "I need to look at your leg now, Peeta."

My eyes flew to hers. She knew about my leg. I felt stupid for lying to her about my injuries earlier. Deciding not to risk making myself look even more stupid, I silently pushed the blankets back so she could look at my leg.

We both noticed a little bit of blood had seeped through the white gauze that was wrapped around my stump. Probably because of my bathroom adventure earlier.

I watched Prim's face to see her reaction but she remained surprisingly calm and took on a look of concentration that reminded me of Katniss.

"I'm just going to check the stitches and change the gauze and then I'll be done," she stated in a tone that sounded very much like that of a doctor.

I felt myself smile slightly. "Sounds good, Dr. Everdeen," I joked.

She blushed and smiled.

It baffled me how she could blush when I called her Dr. Everdeen, but seeing nasty bruises and even blood didn't seem to faze her at all.

After she had rewrapped the stump of my leg, she took a deep breath and asked hopefully, "So how did I do?"

I feigned a scowl. "I'm very disappointed with your performance, Dr. Everdeen. You didn't blow on the stethoscope to warm it up. It was cold."

Prim laughed and I playfully tugged on her braid. "I'm just kidding, Prim. You were wonderful. Best doctor I've ever had."

She smiled and blushed again. "Thank you, Peeta." She gathered up her medical supplies into a small bag. "Well, I'll let you eat the rest of your breakfast now. Hopefully it's not gotten too cold," she said guiltily as though the thought had just occurred to her.

"Doesn't bother me. I got treated by the best doctor in 13."

She smiled again. "Alright, well I'll see you later, Peeta. Keep getting better." Then she added seriously, "Katniss really missed you. She needs you…more than I think she even realizes."

I looked down at my breakfast and nodded. "I need her too," I stated quietly.

She smiled gently at me. "Bye, Peeta."

"Prim, wait," I called out. She stopped and looked back at me expectantly.

"Please don't tell Katniss about…about what you saw…when I took my gown off," I pleaded.

She smiled sympathetically. "I won't. Doctor-patient confidentiality."

I smiled back. "Thanks. See you later, Prim."

Very shortly after Prim left, Katniss came back. I could immediately tell something was wrong and I panicked, thinking Prim had broken her promise. But when Katniss said Haymitch had told her about the possibility of me not walking again, I felt guilty for thinking Prim had ratted me out. Of course Prim wouldn't do that.

Katniss was surprisingly encouraging about the situation with my leg. And when she promised that she wouldn't leave me, I thought my heart might burst. Hearing her say those words was an incredible relief. Through all of this darkness I was wading through, she was the beacon of light for me.

And then, without even realizing what I was doing, we were leaning towards each other to kiss. But I caught myself and pulled back at the last second. It was torturous, pulling away from her like that. Seeing the hurt in her eyes. Wanting to just grab her and kiss her forever. But I couldn't.

When she told me she had to go and got up from the hospital bed, I thought she was planning to leave the hospital room, but instead she veered into the bathroom and I heard her retching.

I felt so helpless in that moment. Hearing the mixture of her retches and sobs, but not being able to go to her because I didn't have a damn leg. I sat there worthlessly on the bed, calling out to her, asking if she was alright, apologizing, telling her I was there for her. I must have really hurt her if she was throwing up. It made _me _feel sick.

Suddenly, Haymitch walked in, and, as if in greeting, Katniss released a particularly loud retch from the bathroom.

Haymitch looked at me and concern flickered across his face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I…We…We just…" I stuttered.

"Jeez, kid, did they cut out your silver tongue and replace it with a real one in the Capitol?" Haymitch stated dryly.

I glared at him and stated, "She just got up and went to the bathroom and started throwing up."

Haymitch narrowed his eyes at me as if he were thinking deeply.

"Can you make sure she's okay? I can't get up," I said miserably just as Katniss retched again.

Haymitch silently went into the bathroom and I heard him say something to her but I didn't quite catch it.

After a few minutes of not hearing any more retching, I called out, "Katniss, are you alright?"

She emerged from the bathroom in answer, Haymitch just behind her. Her cheeks were pale and her forehead was shiny with sweat.

I looked at her with concern. "Katniss?"

She looked at me for a moment, some kind of debate battling in her stormy silver eyes. But then she took on a sorrowful expression, as if she had made up her mind, and mumbled, "I have to go."

"Katniss, please wait," I begged, but she kept heading for the door to my room. "At least tell me if you're alright!"

She stopped and looked back at me and I thought maybe she had changed her mind, that she would stay. But she gave me a look that clearly meant she was not alright. Then she turned back around and left the room, closing the door behind her.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**_~Katniss~_**

I felt horrible for leaving Peeta like that. But I couldn't handle it. I just couldn't. When he recoiled from me as we were about to kiss, it just reminded me of the possibility that President Snow had forced him into prostitution while he was in the Capitol. That, in addition to the embarrassment I felt at my own vulnerability, pushed me over the edge.

I knew I wasn't handling this in the right way at all. Running from Peeta was probably only going to make it harder for him to recover. But I convinced myself that I wasn't going to be any help to him if I didn't get control over my unruly emotions, thus, justifying my running away and pushing the word _coward _from my mind.

Gathering my emotions was no easy task, however. It seemed that I was losing my composure so easily lately. I had cried more in the past month than I had in my entire life. It was becoming exhausting. And apparently my intense emotions were making me sick. So I told myself that I just needed to gather my thoughts and feelings, and get some rest.

But that night, I suffered a horrible nightmare. A nightmare that was very different from the ones I usually had about the Hunger Games…

_I could see a Capitol woman dressed in a long, thin black robe, standing by a luxurious bed in a lavish, dimly lit suite. The woman's lips and nails were painted a deep red, and her eyes were dark with lust as they looked down at the bed. I followed her gaze and gasped as I saw that Peeta was lying on it. He was on his back, naked, his arms pulled above his head and handcuffed to the ornate headboard. _

_When the woman – or client – leaned over him, Peeta tried to back away from her, but she grabbed his prosthetic and twisted it forcefully, causing him to cry out. I could see his wrists straining against the handcuffs as he instinctively wanted to push her away, but he was completely at her mercy._

_She maintained her grip on his prosthetic as she leaned down and devoured his mouth with her own. I could see Peeta struggling to pull away, but her grip on his prosthetic was too strong._

_Horrified, I began to run toward them with the intent of dragging this repulsive woman off of Peeta and killing her with my bare hands. But I collided with a glass wall. I looked around franticly, realizing I was trapped in a glass cylinder. I was being forced to watch as this woman violated Peeta._

_Snow's words echoed ominously in my mind: "Convince me." And only now was I understanding that I _had _convinced him of my love for Peeta and he was using it against me._

_I screamed and pounded my fists against the glass, feeling that same dread and helplessness I felt when I was trapped in the cylinder that would raise me into the Quarter Quell arena, watching as Cinna was beaten to death before me._

_But the sounds of my cries only echoed off the glass wall surrounding me, not reaching the woman's or Peeta's ears. My own ears ached from the shrillness of my cries in the sealed space._

_Suddenly, the woman began to trail kisses down Peeta's chest to his navel, her lipstick leaving blood red stains on his skin. When she reached his manhood, Peeta tried to move away, but she twisted his prosthetic again, maintaining her control. Peeta let out a cry that turned into a strangled groan as her lips closed around his manhood._

_I could see the battle raging in his eyes as he looked down at her. I knew he didn't want to be with this woman but her actions were causing reactions in his body that he was unable to control. _

_So when the woman's lips had sufficiently aroused him, she cast off her robe and straddled him. I could see everything as she took him in her hand to line him up with her entrance, and then sank down onto him._

I screamed through my sobs and was awoken by Prim, who had been sleeping in my mother's bed.

"Katniss! Katniss!" she called out to me softly, shaking my shoulders.

My eyes snapped open and met Prim's concerned ones. But that was no good because the blue in her eyes only reminded me of Peeta – and the nightmare. The images wouldn't leave my mind, even after I was fully awake.

Prim crawled into bed with me and hugged me tightly as I struggled to normalize my breathing.

After I had calmed down, Prim whispered, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I didn't respond.

"Mom's not here. She's still at the hospital. You can talk to me, Katniss," she said soothingly.

I desperately wanted to talk to Prim about my nightmare. But I couldn't justify exposing her to those kinds of things. She was still too young. _She's going to be a doctor_. Still…this was different.

I sighed and selected my words carefully as I began, "I just…can't help but wonder…what they did to him in the Capitol. And not knowing makes me imagine all the possibilities…the most horrible scenarios…" My throat grew tight as the images of Peeta crying out as the woman twisted his prosthetic flashed through my mind.

Prim stared at me intently, her eyes searching mine, as if she were debating something. But then they grew soft and she replied, "You can't dwell on those things, Katniss. You just have to be grateful that he's here now. Safe and away from the Capitol."

"But what if…what if some of the things they did…changed him forever?" I said so quietly I wasn't sure if she heard me.

"He's still Peeta, Katniss. He loves you. It's written all over his face whenever he sees you or talks about you. Whatever the Capitol may have changed about him, I'm sure you two will figure out how to work around it."

I didn't exactly like that Prim was implying that Peeta and I were a couple. But I had come to learn that she often saw things that I didn't. She was very insightful and wise beyond her years. So instead of getting defensive, I decided to let her words hug my heart with encouragement.

I kissed her forehead and smiled gently. "Thanks, Prim."

She smiled back. "Think you can go back to sleep now?"

I really didn't think I could, but I nodded anyway.

"Okay, goodnight, Katniss," she said as she climbed back into the bed she shared with my mother.

"Goodnight," I replied.

I lay in bed for a while, thinking that I really should go back to sleep but finding that I didn't want to. Who knew what sort of nightmare my mind would create next?

So after I was sure that Prim was asleep, I crept out of bed and made my way to the hospital.

My thoughts battled as I made my way there. I didn't know how I would face Peeta after my nightmare, but it seemed that seeing him was the only way that I could really feel better. I hoped he wasn't too upset with me after I left earlier.

When I finally reached his room, I quietly opened the door, cringing at the way the hinges squealed. Since the lights in the hallways were already dim, creating the effect of nighttime underground, I didn't have to wait for my eyes to adjust.

Haymitch was sitting in a chair across from Peeta's hospital bed, his head lolled backwards and throaty snores escaping his open mouth. Peeta lay on his side on his hospital bed, facing away from me. The machines next to him blinked and flashed, and I wondered how he was able to sleep facing them.

As I closed the door behind me, the latch clicked in place and Haymitch snapped awake. It surprised me how easily he awoke. I guess because of the prohibition laws of District 13, Haymitch wasn't able to drink himself into oblivion, lost in a state of unconsciousness rather than one of sleep.

When he saw that it was me who had come into the room, he rose from the chair and motioned for me to follow him into the hallway.

After I shut the door behind me, I asked apprehensively, "How is he?"

Haymitch sighed. "Well…he wasn't so great after you left earlier."

I lowered my eyes. _Coward_. The word slipped into my mind.

"What did he do?"

Haymitch rubbed the scruff on his chin and chuckled in disbelief. "He pulled the tubes out of his arm, then tried to hobble over to his wheelchair to go after you, even though I was hollering at him to sit back down. But one of the tubes he yanked out was for drawing blood samples, so when he pulled it out, blood just started spewing out of his arm like a fountain…"

I grimaced as my stomach churned and my supper threatened to make a reappearance.

Haymitch must have noticed the look on my face because he discontinued his vivid description and just said, "Well…he didn't even make it to his wheelchair before he fell. And by the time I found some nurses, he had passed out."

My heart clenched at the thought of Peeta falling and hurting himself…all because I was a coward and couldn't face him because of something that Snow made him do.

"Is he okay?" I whispered.

"Yeah, they got the bleeding to stop and got him back into his bed." I could tell he wanted to say something else but was hesitating to do so. I knew what it was he wanted to say.

"You think I should talk to him." It was more of a statement than a question.

Haymitch nodded, then lowered his voice when he replied, "Look, I know it's not easy on you, thinking about what Snow could have put him through. It's not easy on me, either. But _we _aren't the ones that went through it. _He _was. We owe it to him to just…be there for him."

Being from the Seam, I knew that Haymitch felt the way I did about owing debts. We owed Peeta a debt that we could never repay…but it was more than just about owing debts.

I knew Haymitch would never come right out and say it, but he loved Peeta. And I loved Peeta. I still wasn't completely sure in what way I loved him – maybe I didn't really want to know yet – but it was obvious that Haymitch and I both cared about Peeta very deeply. Haymitch was right…the least we could do was be there for him.

And while Haymitch didn't say it, we both knew I was being selfish by running away.

I swallowed my pride and nodded my head in agreement. "I'll stay here with him. You can go get some rest…or whatever it is you do at night," I said, smirking slightly to ease the tension.

Haymitch patted my shoulder then left silently.

I crept back into Peeta's room and tentatively made my way around the bed, to the side he was facing.

He was still sleeping soundly, his mouth parted slightly, and his chest expanding evenly with each breath. One arm was curled against his chest, while the other was extended, reattached to all of the various medical tubes. His face was pale, making the bruises around his eyes seem darker. He must have really overexerted himself.

I retrieved the chair that Haymitch had been sleeping in earlier and positioned it on the side of the bed Peeta was facing.

As I sat there, contemplating the battered boy in front of me, I found myself reaching out to touch his cheek. I ran my thumb gently across his bruised cheekbone, feeling his cold skin. Images from my nightmare flashed through my mind unexpectedly, making my throat constrict.

"What did they do to you, Peeta?" I whispered as my bottom lip trembled.

I continued stroking his cheek. It comforted me, as if the connection of our skins was erasing each image of my nightmare.

I couldn't help but wonder…_did_ I love him? In _that _way? Just the thought of anyone else being with Peeta the way I had been with him the night before the Quarter Quell caused my blood to boil with a deep, jealous rage that I had never felt before. Did that mean I was in love with him?

As my thoughts continued to whisper through my mind, I moved my hand to take his and laced our fingers together. I watched him, listening to his steady breathing until my eyelids began to droop. At first I tried to fight it, but eventually my eyelids wouldn't reopen and I fell asleep.

* * *

><p>When I awoke, nightmare-free, I opened my eyes to see that Peeta hadn't moved from his position. I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized he was still sleeping. I knew he must have needed some extensive rest.<p>

My stomach suddenly growled and I looked at a clock on the wall. Breakfast was being served about now, so I decided to head down to the cafeteria. I could come back with some breakfast for Peeta too.

* * *

><p>When I reached the cafeteria, I saw that most people were already sitting down, which meant they were probably about to stop serving breakfast. No one would deny the Mockingjay breakfast, though, so I retrieved it, making sure to let the cooks know that I would be coming back for Peeta's breakfast when I was finished.<p>

As I turned around, I searched for a familiar face to sit with.

When I saw Gale's dark-haired head towering above everyone else's, I made my way over to him.

"Hey," I stated simply.

He looked up at me and seemed surprised to see me. I realized that I hadn't seen him since Peeta had been back, forgoing the cafeteria mealtimes.

Prim had been sneaking food for me since I had spent most of those meal times in my secret closet since the rescue. When I found out, I scolded her, not wanting her to lose her medical position, but she only said that my health and well-being were more important than that.

I made up my mind as I looked at Gale that I wouldn't miss anymore meals. I couldn't let Prim lose the opportunity she had been given to become a doctor. And I knew I had forgotten about Gale ever since Peeta came back. Even though Gale was the one who rescued him for me…

Gale silently moved over, making room for me to sit, his silver eyes avoiding mine.

I couldn't bear the guilt any longer.

"Thank you," I said.

He slowly looked up at me, confusion written on his face. "For what?"

"For…for bringing him back. _Them _back."

He nodded and I felt some of the tension dissipate.

"How is he?" Gale asked through a mouthful of food.

I sighed and took a bite of my own breakfast. "The doctors say he's alright. He might not ever walk again though," I replied quietly. I wasn't going to tell him the rest.

His mouth formed a line as he looked back up at me, and his eyes briefly flickered with sympathy – something I had never seen in his countenance when Peeta was present or being discussed.

"I wondered about that," he began gravely. Then continued quietly, "I saw his leg when we rescued him."

My heart clenched and I couldn't seem to find the words to respond as images of how bad Peeta must have looked when they rescued him flashed through my mind. How close to death he might have been…

"The doctors can't do anything?" Gale asked, sensing my speechless predicament.

I shook my head sadly. "I don't think so."

We finished the rest of our meal in silence. It was painfully obvious that it wasn't as companionable as it was during all those days we had spent together in the woods before my first reaping.

When Gale was done, he slowly rose from his seat and said, "Plutarch came up with another propo idea. They're going to ask you to come to Command later. Just thought I'd give you a heads-up."

"Thanks."

He nodded. "See you later, then."

As I watched him walk away to return his tray, I swallowed thickly. Another propo? Already? But Peeta just got back…

But I remembered my deal with Coin. And if I failed to keep that deal, Peeta could lose his immunity and be condemned as a traitor. Along with Johanna, Enobaria, and Annie. And Finnick and Annie weren't about to be separated again, so I knew that if Annie was condemned, Finnick wouldn't be far behind.

I suddenly realized, with some alarm, that all of their fates rested on my ability to hold up my end of the "Mockingjay Deal."

I tried to pretend that I didn't feel this heavy burden upon my shoulders as I asked for Peeta's breakfast tray and carried it back to his room.

When I reached his room, I expected him to be awake, but he was still asleep.

I approached the side of the bed he faced and debated whether or not to wake him. He looked so peaceful, but I knew he hadn't eaten for at least a day, which couldn't be good given how thin he was already.

As I looked down at him, deciding that I should wake him up, an idea came to mind. A crazy idea. But I wanted to test something, more for me than for him.

With the breakfast tray still in hand, I slowly leaned down until my face was inches away from his. I looked down at his lips which were still slightly parted, and then just did it. I kissed him. Full on the mouth.

I kept my lips molded to his, keeping my eyes open to see his reaction when he woke up. But before he opened his eyes, I felt his lips respond to mine. Our lips melted together and I felt warmth surge through my chest. Images of the night before the Quell flashed through my mind and I could feel my face flushing.

But suddenly Peeta's eyes flew open in alarm. I was just about to pull away when his hand flew up to push me away. He must have not seen the tray, because his hand knocked forcefully into it, causing it to fly out of my hands. But before it crashed to the floor, the edge of it hit me squarely on the cheekbone.

Panicked, I tried to back away, but my foot caught on the IV cart and I fell backwards onto my behind. I sat there with my mouth hanging open. Completely stunned by what just happened…unsure if it really did happen. It was so fast. As I registered the pain, my hand went to my cheek that had been hit by the tray.

"Katniss!" I heard Peeta's distraught voice call out to me. But his voice seemed distorted and far away. I could feel all of the knots that held me together fraying. I took a big risk and it was thrown back in my face.

I don't know what I had been thinking. That maybe if I kissed him he would suddenly not be afraid of physical affection? I was so stupid. And selfish. Now I probably just made his fear worse.

I felt embarrassed. Ashamed. And rejected. Rejected beyond anything else. I had to get away. Right now.

So I ran.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Reviews are greatly appreciated!<em>**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**_~Peeta~_**

After Katniss had left the first time, after she had thrown up in my bathroom, I knew I had to go after her. I couldn't explain to her why I couldn't kiss her, but I couldn't let her think that I didn't _want _to kiss her.

So, despite Haymitch's hollering at me to sit back down, I yanked the tubes out of my arm and rose on my one leg. I began hobbling over to the wheelchair across the room when I heard Haymitch shout, "Dammit, kid! You're bleeding!"

Unsure of what he was talking about, I looked down at my body and saw that blood was spurting out of the place in my arm where the tubes had been connected.

My head began to swim and it felt like someone wrapped a cold blanket around me. I could feel the blood drain from my head. My vision narrowed to a tunnel, and I lost my balance on my one leg, falling hard to the floor.

I barely felt the impact, though. I barely registered Haymitch yelling for some nurses. All I could think about was how hurt Katniss had looked when she left. And how desperately I needed to reach her. It was my last thought before I passed out.

I must have been out for quite some time. My sleeping mind tortured me by alternating between nightmares of the Hunger Games and dreams of Katniss. I could feel my mind struggling to wake up during the nightmares, but I must have been sedated, trapped in my unconscious state.

Finally, an exaggerated, gruesome nightmare in which Cato was being torn apart by the mutts in the 74th Games gave way to a dream of Katniss and me in the cave in the same arena. She was curled up against me, in our usual sleeping position, when suddenly she turned her head and kissed me. Shocked, I didn't respond at first, but her lips were persistent, so I kissed her back.

Suddenly, the cave began to fade and I realized I was dreaming. But as I slipped back into reality, the pressure of Katniss's lips remained on mine. When the rest of the dream fled, my eyes snapped open to see that Katniss _was _kissing me.

I felt a brief moment of confusion, wondering why she was kissing me after she had left me before. But then panic set in. She couldn't kiss me. We couldn't be kissing.

I quickly brought my hand up to urge her away, but didn't realize she was holding a tray of food in her hands. When my hand knocked it rather forcefully, it flew up and hit her in the cheek before spinning to the floor.

The apology was on the tip of my tongue when Katniss took a step back from me and tripped, falling to the floor. She sat there in shock, as if she wasn't really sure what had just happened.

"Katniss!" I called to her, wanting her to understand that I didn't mean to hurt her. I would never purposely hurt her.

But I saw the look in her eyes. The immense vulnerability that was suddenly clouded over with regret. And then the mask came on. The wall that she put up to defend herself from getting hurt. It had taken me so long just to partially tear down that wall, and in one quick moment, it was completely rebuilt.

When she ran out of the room, it only confirmed that the wall was alive and well. Maybe had even come back with a vengeance. I clenched my fists and felt a lump form in my throat. I was losing her…

I was beginning to wonder if my deal with Snow was really worth it – worth losing Katniss. But I couldn't bear the thought of what would happen to her if I didn't uphold my end of the deal. So I swallowed back the lump and willed myself to maintain self-control at all costs. Even if it meant pushing Katniss away…

Haymitch came in shortly after. I knew he would start asking questions if he saw my grief, so I let anger overpower all of the other emotions and scowled at him.

Haymitch narrowed his eyes at me quizzically before they darted to the floor. I followed his gaze and saw the tray in the midst of the spilled food.

It just now registered…Katniss had brought me breakfast. She had brought me breakfast and I had pushed her away, hurting her physically and emotionally in the process. There was no way I was going to tear down her emotional wall now.

"Didn't like your breakfast?" Haymitch asked, chuckling.

"I dropped it," I stated.

Haymitch clearly didn't believe me, but he bent down to pick up what he could of the mess anyway.

"Look, kid," he began. "I saw Katniss before I came in here so I know something's up."

I was about to interrupt him but he put his hands up defensively.

"You don't have to tell me what happened, but just try to patch things up with her before too long. She has Mockingjay duties later, and I think she'll perform better if things are peachy between her and the other half of the Star-Crossed Lovers."

I glared at him. "Star-Crossed Lovers" was something I had hoped to never hear again.

"Get out," I practically growled at him.

Haymitch held my stare for a moment before he shrugged and walked out, closing the door behind him.

I felt guilty almost immediately after he left for treating him like that. I knew he wasn't trying to rub salt in the wound but that was exactly what he did. Calling us the "Star-Crossed Lovers" not only brought back bad memories, but reminded me that I would probably never even have a real relationship with Katniss. Especially not with the way things were going now.

Time passed slowly as I lay in my horribly uncomfortable hospital bed. It was almost as torturous as my time back in the Capitol – thinking about what lay in my future regarding Katniss. Either she would die and I would live with the knowledge that it was my fault she did, or she would survive but I would never be allowed to be with her. All because of Snow.

I remembered when I had first woken up in the Capitol, having been captured from the arena…

_As my mind struggled to regain consciousness, I began to register a faint buzzing noise. It was driving me insane. When I finally opened my eyes, I blinked rapidly in the bright lights that hovered over me._

_I tried to lift my head to determine where I was, but pain shot through my neck and back and the events of the arena suddenly flooded my mind._

_It had been so chaotic. I remembered calling for Katniss and hearing her call back to me from the direction of the lightning tree. But when I began running toward it – toward her – the lightning had suddenly split the artificial sky and the arena exploded around me. I had been thrown back by the electrical shock and forcefully collided with a tree. A pain had shot through my spine before I lost consciousness._

_I didn't think I had suffered any serious harm, just some whiplash, but my neck and back were still sore. _

_I realized I was lying on a flat metal table, connected to various machines. I was naked, but covered with a thin sheet that felt more like paper than cotton._

_I slowly turned my head, looking around and squinting in the bright lights, when suddenly a voice spoke, "Ah, Mr. Mellark. Glad to see you are finally awake."_

_President Snow._

_I slowly turned my head toward him as fear and dread wormed their way into my heart._

_ "__Where's Katniss?" I asked, without thinking._

_Anger flashed in his eyes. "I was hoping you could tell me."_

_I looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"_

_ "__It seems there was a plot to break you all out of the arena. Or didn't you know?"_

_My eyes widened in surprise. _

_A plot to break us out? Did this have something to do with the rebellion? That would explain a lot of things that happened in the arena. I wondered if the other victors had known about this. I thought about the way they had acted in the arena…the way they had allied with us for seemingly no good reason…of course, they knew. My anger flared. Haymitch must have known too and didn't tell us._

_President Snow looked at me intently as all of these thoughts flew through my mind. Realization subtly registered on his features. "You didn't know, did you?"_

_I scoffed and shook my head angrily. "Our mentor apparently didn't think we should be aware of such an important piece of information."_

_Snow considered me a moment. "So Miss Everdeen did not know either?"_

_ "__Not that I know of." I thought about her confusion and skepticism of the other victors in the arena and decided she definitely did not know. She was a terrible liar._

_ "__Well then there's much you need to be caught up on, Mr. Mellark."_

_Snow proceeded to tell me about the rebellion. How Katniss had become the Mockingjay, the symbol of the rebellion. District 13's existence. How the rebels were being slaughtered in masses by the Capitol. How I could stop the war by agreeing to do an interview with Caesar Flickerman. An interview that would be scripted, urging the rebels to lay down their weapons._

_ "__I won't do it," I stated firmly. "I won't do the interview." If the rebellion was going to bring down Snow's regime, I couldn't urge them to stop._

_President Snow smiled, his red-tinted lips pulling back to reveal perfectly white teeth. The overpowering, combined smell of blood and roses reached my nostrils and I shivered._

_ "__Mr. Mellark, I'm disappointed. I thought you would be more cooperative, especially when it came to saving Miss Everdeen. It would be a shame for all of your efforts in both of the arenas to go to waste."_

It didn't take much for him to convince me after that statement.

So I did the interview, but felt so guilty afterward that I refused to do another. And that's when the torture had started.

I shuddered.

As I repressed the painful memories, the door to my hospital room suddenly flew open. I looked over, expecting to see Haymitch, but it was the last person I expected to see.

Gale.

I was about to extend a friendly greeting, maybe an expression of gratitude since I had heard that he had been part of the team that rescued me. But the storm raging in his eyes caused the words to stick in my throat.

My confusion over what he could be so angry about faded as he continued to head straight toward me, and my mind began to race as I tried to determine what he was about to do. I instinctively leaned away from him, unable to actually get up because of my stupid leg, as he reached my bedside.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, his fist came up and hit me in the cheek so hard that the force knocked me off the bed. I landed on the floor hard as the various tubes I was hooked up to detached from my arm with a vibrating sting. Fortunately, the nurses hadn't reinserted the tube for blood samples, saying they would wait until they actually needed a blood sample again, so there was no dizzying blood fountain this time.

The impact with the floor knocked the wind out of me, though, and my vision momentarily blurred. As I gasped for breath and blinked to clear my vision, I turned over onto my back to see Gale standing over me.

Before I had a chance to defend myself, he grabbed the front of my hospital gown and hauled me up with such ease that I knew I didn't stand a chance. I felt so weak. I was missing a leg, my whole body ached with bruises, and I had hardly any muscle left on me. If Gale wanted to kill me right now, I'm pretty sure he could. In fact, I was beginning to think that he was about to.

He pulled me up, my face so close to his that our noses nearly touched. I fleetingly registered the pain throbbing in my cheek when he growled at me, "Stay away from her!"

While I was unsure of why he was saying this to me, I actually didn't disagree with him. He was only confirming what I was beginning to decide myself – that it was better if I stayed away from Katniss.

"If you ever lay a hand on her again, I'll make you wish you were back in the Capitol," Gale threatened through his teeth.

Lay a hand on her again? What was he talking about? Did he see Katniss after what had happened earlier and think I had hit her? I was pretty sure Katniss wouldn't lie and say I hit her. And even if I had, I was pretty sure she wouldn't go running to Gale about it. So Gale must have assumed that I had hit her which made my blood boil. He might be right that I needed to stay away from Katniss, but I couldn't stand being accused of hitting her. Of hitting the girl whom I loved so much I would willingly die for her over and over again.

I felt my face twist in anger as I got my one leg under me and shoved Gale with such force that he stumbled backwards and I fell back onto the floor.

"What are you talking about?" I seethed, as I used the bed to pull myself back to my foot. "I would never hit her!"

"Then explain the bruise she had on her cheek after she came out of your hospital room!" he demanded.

"I…She…The tray…It's complicated! And none of your business!" I stuttered. Wow, maybe Haymitch was right about my silver tongue being cut out in the Capitol.

Gale locked his raging eyes on mine. "It is _definitely _my business when you _attack _someone I care about!"

And then he came at me again, his fist connecting with my jaw. I fell backwards into the various medical machinery, which toppled to the floor with me. Some kind of alarm began to beep loudly from one of the machines. Or maybe two. My mind was becoming fuzzy, so it was hard to tell. Apparently my worthless body couldn't handle so much stress.

Gale tried to pull me up again, but as soon as I got my one leg under me, I wrenched away from him, causing the thin gown to rip off of me. As silly as it sounded, I was immensely grateful that I had boxers on underneath.

I tried to catch myself on something as the momentum carried me forward, but I hit my bad leg on the end of the bed and sprawled forward on my front, crying out as the agonizing pain in my leg seemed to radiate through my entire body.

The pain was so intense that I thought I was going to pass out, but I willed myself not to as I remained on the floor. I was already humiliated enough, I didn't need to succumb to pain in front of Gale.

As I lay there, though, trying to will the pain away, I realized my back was exposed to Gale. All of the whiplashes, my protruding ribs…now he could actually see how weak I was. That was just the icing on the cake of my humiliation.

I waited for him to grab me, hit me, kick me, scream at me, _something _– he had the perfect opportunity. But he did nothing.

After the pain had somewhat subsided, I managed to roll onto my back and then sit up, being careful not to bump my bad leg on anything else. When I slowly looked up at Gale, I saw that the intensity of the storm in his eyes had lessened and saw what I thought looked like remorse flash through them.

Just then the door opened, and Haymitch strolled in. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the scene before him: Me, on the floor, in my boxers, probably not looking too good, and Gale standing over me.

"What the hell is going on here?" Haymitch demanded, looking at Gale.

"Nothing, Haymitch," I stated, directing his attention back to me. "Just a misunderstanding."

I glanced at Gale, who still had that look of remorse in his eyes. Then he surprised me by offering me a hand. I took it and let him pull me up, hoping that our actions confirmed to Haymitch that he didn't need to intervene.

Haymitch still looked skeptical, but closed the space between us and helped Gale get me back to my hospital bed. The throbbing in my leg was intensifying and was becoming hard to ignore as every little movement sent a stabbing pain through it.

I winced as I sat back down on the bed. I glanced up at Haymitch just as he looked over at the medical equipment I had knocked over. Anger flared in his eyes, but he managed to mask it – at least for now.

"Peeta," Gale suddenly said. "Your leg…"

I looked down at it and saw that blood had completely saturated the white gauze and was staining the bed sheets. I swallowed thickly as I thought about what that might mean for my already-slim chances of walking again.

Gale's body language radiated guilt – something I was pretty sure he rarely felt, if ever.

"Go get a nurse," Haymitch ordered Gale, his face grave.

Gale didn't argue and left without a word.

"You better tell me what happened right now," Haymitch said sternly after Gale left.

"It was just a misunderstanding, Haymitch."

"Misunderstanding, my ass." He gave me a look that meant he wasn't going to accept any more of my vague answers.

I sighed and shifted on the bed, wincing as pain shot through my leg again. "He thought I hit Katniss…" I mumbled.

Haymitch's eyes screamed rage and his nostrils flared. "He knows you would never do that. He was just looking for an excuse to hit you." His eyes flickered to the places on my face where Gale had hit me. Bruises must have been blossoming already.

I shrugged. "If I thought _he _had hit her, I would have done the same thing."

Haymitch shook his head in disbelief. "You never cease to amaze me, kid. Gale walks in here, beats the crap out of you when you're missing a leg and are too weak to fight back, and you're _still_ defending him. I don't know if that's admirable or just plain stupid."

"Call it what you will, it's over."

"I'm gonna kill that kid," Haymitch grumbled.

As the pain in my leg screamed, I leaned back in the hospital bed. I could feel the blood draining from my head again, as if all of it was headed toward the stump of my leg. I really didn't want to pass out, though.

Haymitch stood there, muttering angry curses at Gale. When I started shivering, his expression changed to one of concern. I didn't think I would ever get used to seeing that on Haymitch's face.

He silently grabbed the blanket that had fallen to the floor and covered me with it. I would have appreciated the gesture so much more had my mind been clear of the pain that was clouding it. I needed to keep talking, though – to get my mind off of it.

"Have you seen Katniss anymore?" I croaked.

"No." He paused for a moment. "Why did Gale think you hit her?"

"It's a long story. But I didn't hit her," I mumbled as my mind continued to shut down, wanting to drag me into unconsciousness to protect me from the pain. I could barely keep my eyes open.

"I know."

"But she has to stay away from me. Don't let me kiss her."

I didn't realize how crazy I sounded until I saw the confusion on Haymitch's face that was laced with worry.

Just then a couple of nurses and one of the doctors that did my x-rays walked in.

"Finally," I heard Haymitch grumble.

The doctor lifted the blanket from my leg and assessed the damage visually, which I was grateful for. I didn't think I could handle it if he poked and prodded it with something.

I heard him say something about stopping the bleeding and then heard some shuffling around. At this point, I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

The next few minutes were hazy as my mind surrendered to unconsciousness. I registered the words "surgery and "right now," before vaguely feeling the bed shifting and moving. But the movement just made the pain worse, and finally, it was too much, and I passed out.


	6. Chapter 5

_**Hi all! Sorry it has taken me so long to get this chapter out there. I wrote from two perspectives that I haven't written from before so I wanted to make sure I was happy with the way they turned out before I published it. I hope you like the outcome, but let me know what you think and leave a review! :)**_

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

**_~Haymitch~_**

When I walked into Peeta's hospital room to check up on him, I was completely caught off guard by what I found. And being caught off guard was actually a pretty rare thing for me. Hardly anything surprised me anymore.

Peeta was lying on the ground in just his underwear, looking like he had just gotten the crap beat out of him. And when I saw Gale standing over him, I was pretty sure that's what had happened.

But, of course, the kid just blew it off as if it were nothing.

I expected Gale to bark at me or something, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. Wasn't that a sign of guilt? And then I was completely shocked when Gale actually helped Peeta off the floor.

But what I saw on Peeta's back when Gale got him to his feet made me swallow hard and momentarily forget what I just walked in on. The whip lashes, the bruises, how much his spine and ribs jutted out. The anger I felt toward Snow made my blood boil. Peeta was the best of us…he never deserved this. And even though he forgave me for leaving him in the arena, in the clutches of the Capitol, the guilt that still loomed on the edges of my mind made me wish I had a drink more than any of my other nightmares did.

And seeing the evidence of his and Gale's scuffle from the fallen medical equipment made me want to wring Gale's neck. I'm sure that whatever his reason was for attacking Peeta revolved around the Mockingjay herself. But I couldn't think of any logical reason for him to hit the kid…especially when he was already in such a fragile state.

When Gale pointed out Peeta's bleeding leg, it took all of my self-control to calmly tell Gale to get a nurse. And Peeta's vague answers about what had happened were quickly dissolving the last of my patience.

When he told me that Gale thought he'd hit Katniss, though…Gale knew that Peeta would _never _do that. Not even if his life depended on it. So tensions must have been high for Gale and he finally found the final push he needed to hit the kid. I was sure he had been wanting to hit him for awhile, but couldn't he see how damaged Peeta was?

I could tell Peeta was losing consciousness as his eyelids drooped and his face continued to pale. Fresh bruises were swelling on his cheek and jaw where I'm sure Gale had landed a few punches.

When Peeta began shivering, I couldn't take it. So in a very rare moment where I showed my concern for him, I picked up the blanket that had fallen on the floor and draped it over him.

The doctors had told me that he would most likely never walk again, but I was sure that now there was no chance. I made a silent promise to myself and to the kid that I was gonna find Gale and give him a piece of my mind…or a piece of my fist, depending on what felt more appropriate in the moment.

After I told Peeta I knew he wouldn't hit Katniss he said, "But she has to stay away from me. Don't let me kiss her."

At first I thought he was making some reference to his affection fear…but he said to not let _him _kiss her, not, "don't let _her_ kiss me," which made me think that he wanted to kiss her but couldn't. I figured that could be because of his fear, but it didn't quite all add up.

Finally, a doctor and a couple of nurses came in. Gale was nowhere to be seen.

The doctor pulled back the blanket that covered Peeta, and examined his leg. He didn't touch the stump, but gently pulled the edge of Peeta's underwear up to his hip to reveal extensive swelling and bruising.

My blood pounded in my ears. I was gonna kill Gale.

I noticed Peeta's eyes were now closed and his face was as pale as the hospital bed sheets. I wasn't really listening to the doctor until I heard the word "surgery."

"What?" I asked, snapping my attention to the doctor.

"He needs surgery. We had actually just finished evaluating his scans and were going to retrieve him for surgery anyway. We feel confident that we can repair some of the nerve and tissue damage…that is, if he hasn't further injured his leg with this incident." He sighed. "It's a long-shot, but he _may_ be able to walk again if all goes well. But we need to do it right now." The doctor spoke quickly but calmly, which served to sooth my nerves rather than frazzle them further.

"You have another prosthetic for him if all _does _go well?" I questioned as the nurses lowered Peeta's bed so he was lying flat and then unlocked the wheels.

"Yes. It's not as technologically advanced as the Capitol's model but it will suffice."

I nodded, looking intently at Peeta, desperately hoping that he would be able to walk again. That he could have just this one thing back.

"I'll let you know when we have completed the procedure," the doctor stated as he and the nurses wheeled Peeta out of the room.

I took a deep breath before I stepped out of the room. I needed to find Gale.

As I walked through the maze of hallways that was District 13, I had a thought. Maybe I should see the Mockingjay first.

So I made my way to the first place I thought she'd be – her closet. When I reached it, she was sitting on the floor, facing away from me, her knees pulled up to her chest, mumbling to herself. I was pretty sure it was the exercises the doctors told her to use to keep her sanity, which I found ironic because she sounded insane talking to herself.

When I plopped down next to her she practically hissed at me, "Leave me alone."

"Hey, now, is that the proper way to greet your old mentor?" I quipped.

She turned to look at me. "I thought you were Gale."

As her face turned more toward the light, I could see her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and I noticed a dark bruise on her cheekbone that I hadn't noticed when I saw her earlier. Well, she had run by me rather quickly earlier.

Was that why Gale thought the kid had hit her?

"Nice shiner you got there, sweetheart. How'd you come by that?"

She looked away and mumbled, "I don't want to talk about it."

My brow furrowed. That wasn't exactly a reassuring answer. Something had clearly happened between her and the kid. While I was still sure he hadn't hit her, it must have happened when she was with him.

"Look, when I saw you earlier, I didn't demand any answers from you. I just let you go. But obviously something bad happened if you're still crying about it. Sure you don't wanna tell me?" I asked.

She sniffed. "I just…Peeta…It was an accident," she whispered.

I hoped my silence would encourage her to continue.

She tentatively looked up at me, seeming embarrassed. "It was a breakfast tray."

I looked at her quizzically. "A breakfast tray?"

She nodded. "I…He accidentally knocked it out of my hands and it hit me in the face."

I recalled the breakfast tray and its spilled contents on the floor of the kid's hospital room earlier.

"How did he accidentally knock it out of your hands to make it hit you in the face?" I asked, trying to determine if she was telling the truth. She wasn't a very good liar, though, so I was pretty sure she was.

"I just…startled him."

Clearly she was leaving something out, and I vaguely wondered if she had tried something that would have triggered his fear. I remembered what he mumbled to me earlier about not letting him kiss her. Did she…try to kiss him?

I didn't get to question her any further, though, because tall-dark-and-handsome himself decided to show up.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw me. A flash of panic passed over his face as if he were afraid I had told Katniss what he did earlier. I glared at him but decided now was not the time to rip him up.

I didn't think the Mockingjay's fragile state of mind could handle the notion that her friend here had beaten up the boy she had been so distressed over losing. And now that boy was in critical condition and in surgery. Yeah...definitely wasn't going to tell her that just yet, especially since she had Mockingjay duties here soon. When she found out that I had kept this from her, though, she wouldn't be happy, to put it mildly.

I still gave Gale a look that indicated he wasn't out of the woods yet.

Katniss suddenly saw him. "What do you want?" she asked angrily.

"I just came to tell you you're wanted in Command. You know, the propo I told you about earlier," he replied calmly.

Her features fell. She hated doing those propos.

"You too, Haymitch," Gale mumbled to me.

I nodded and got to my feet, then made my way toward Command with Katniss and Gale in tow.

**_~Gale~_**

I don't know what led me to do it. To attack Peeta.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was jealous. Jealous of the love Katniss harbored for him. She would deny it, but it was obvious. Obvious to everyone but her.

I knew she cared about me but that wasn't enough. It didn't match what I felt for her.

But when she finally broke down and lost it, thinking that she would lose him forever after his warning to District 13 of the Capitol's bombing plans, I couldn't take it anymore. So when they announced they were putting together a team to rescue him and the other victors from the Capitol, I had to volunteer.

I wanted to say it was for noble reasons. Like wanting to help him, wanting to be a hero, or even wanting to rescue him for the sake of her happiness. And that _was_ part of it. But the main reason was so that maybe she would remember me more fondly. Maybe if I even died in the attempt to rescue him she would mourn for me, realizing what she had lost.

But all of those hopes were shattered when we found him on the rescue mission…

_Peeta was our main target. The plan was to get Annie, Johanna, and Enobaria too, but we really needed Peeta. For the Mockingjay. She was broken without him. And the rebellion was broken without _her_._

_We had already entered the training center through the glass roof, roping down from hovercrafts, and were now scouting out the area. Beetee was pretty much our eyes and ears with all of his hacking back in 13. But it was very dark and very quiet. Eerily quiet._

_We made our way through several doors until we reached a kind of lab. I quickly took notice of my surroundings. Several silver metal tables were strewn about the room. Needles, pliers, knives, restraints, and other various tools were lying on silver trays near the tables. Was this where they tortured them?_

_It was obvious through Peeta's deterioration seen in the Capitol interviews that he was being starved, tortured, and enduring whatever else Snow concocted in this lab. But seeing the tools in person made a wave of nausea sweep through my stomach…even for Peeta. Even _I _could admit that he didn't deserve this._

_When we finally found the victors' cells, we identified Peeta's and found the door unlocked, which made all of us grip our guns tighter and made our senses more alert. So before we went in, Boggs threw in some gas bombs that would knock out anyone that may be lurking within to ambush us._

_After we had secured our gas masks and waited a couple of minutes, Boggs led us in, guns extended. The gas was beginning to clear, and when I saw Peeta lying on the floor, I stopped in my tracks._

_I thought for sure he was dead, there was so much blood. All I could think about was how Katniss would take it. I didn't think she _could _take it._

_He was lying there on the floor in a pool of blood, still wearing the same suit he had worn in the Capitol interview, but it was now stained red where the blood had touched it. He was ghostly pale, his eyes bruised, his body disturbingly thin._

_While I stood there frozen, thinking Katniss would never recover from this, the other members of the rescue team rushed over to him. They checked his pulse and announced that he was still alive._

_That shook me out of my thoughts._

_I rushed over to him and began helping the team remove his clothes to find where all the blood was coming from._

_We removed his suit jacket and shirt and found nothing but bruises and whiplashes, but then we removed his pants and saw the stump of his leg. Somehow I had forgotten that he had lost his leg during the 74__th__ Games and received a prosthetic. But it was gone now. All that remained was the bloody mess of flesh where his prosthetic had been attached._

_This must have happened quite recently if he had bled this much and was still alive._

_After someone had stemmed the bleeding, I picked him up myself and made my way back to the shattered glass ceiling while the others searched for the other victors._

_He was so light, it felt like I was carrying a child. I remembered that before the Quarter Quell he had really bulked up. There was no trace of that now. I actually felt incredibly sorry for him, and sympathy was something I rarely felt. I now regretted the words I had said to Katniss when we saw his interviews…that he was a coward. I didn't think anyone could be a coward and face what he had faced. And as reluctant as I was to admit it, she was right. They must have convinced him somehow that he was protecting her, otherwise, I knew he wouldn't have agreed to do the interviews that urged the rebels to lay down their weapons._

_After the other victors were located and brought back to the glass ceiling, the hovercrafts lowered their ropes and we were brought back up into them._

_The unconscious victors were laid on the floor and quickly examined by a meager medical team on board. I noticed Johanna wasn't looking too good, her head shaved and her body grotesquely thin as well, but Peeta was the only one in critical condition. They managed to hook him up to an IV and wrapped the stump of his leg tightly to stop the bleeding. It would have to do until we got back to 13._

I had watched him the whole way back, taking in his pale, frail form, wondering – and maybe even hoping – that he would make it…for Katniss's sake at least.

But ever since we had brought him back, it was like I didn't even exist to her anymore. Almost all of her time was spent with him now. That stung more than anything. I had brought him back…for her…and she still didn't seek me out. She _did _thank me at breakfast that morning, but it was stiff and awkward. And I was pretty sure that was just a chance meeting, not really her seeking me out.

I knew it wasn't really his fault for her forgetting about me. In fact, if I went to see him, I was pretty sure _he _would thank me for rescuing him. He was annoyingly thoughtful that way.

But even with that knowledge, and having seen for myself how close to death he had been when we found him, I had still beat him up. Over something ridiculous.

I had been walking out of my living quarters when I saw Katniss walking briskly down the hall, away from the hospital. As she drew closer, I could tell something was wrong. She was obviously crying, but she was keeping her head down.

"Hey, Katniss, where have you been?" I'd asked, acting as if nothing was wrong at first.

"I was just visiting Peeta," she mumbled back, still looking down so that I couldn't see her face.

I put my finger under her chin to force her to look at me. When I saw the bruise on her cheek, my eyes narrowed and I asked her what happened.

Her eyes grew angry and she pulled away from me. "Nothing. I'm fine."

She had just gone to see Peeta and now she had this bruise on her cheek. My eyes narrowed. It was like my mind was a loaded gun, ready – maybe _wanting _– to believe that Peeta had hurt her, and this was the trigger I needed to finally unleash all of the pent up frustration and envy.

Before I could say or do anything, though, Prim walked out of the Everdeen living quarters. She started to smile but then frowned. She must have sensed the angry tension. "Everything alright?" Prim asked, looking at me skeptically.

I swallowed back my anger and smiled. "Yeah. How are you, Prim?"

She looked confused but replied, "Fine." She looked at her sister. "Katniss, what happened to your cheek?"

Katniss fingered her cheek gingerly where the bruise had formed then looked at me tentatively. "I took Peeta breakfast this morning and tripped on his IV cart." She must have sensed that I was blaming Peeta for her injury.

I knew Prim believed that as much as I did but she only said, "Oh, well I can get you some ice."

Katniss shook her head. "No, I'm alright. It doesn't even hurt."

Prim stared at her a moment then replied, "Okay, well I'm heading to the hospital. I'll see you later."

As soon as she was out of sight, Katniss turned on me. "That's what happened, Gale. Really."

She was such a bad liar.

"You're lying. What did he do?"

"Nothing! He didn't do anything!" she yelled, finally losing her patience.

"Katniss, if he hurt you, tell me right now. I won't let it happen anymore," I replied, practically growling.

I could almost see the flames ignite on the fuel of her anger. "He didn't hurt me, Gale! Stop acting like I'm some helpless child! I don't need you to protect me!"

And with that she turned and stormed away from me. I knew better than to argue with her while she was fuming. It would only fan the flames of my own anger. I was going to see Peeta instead.

And then I'd completely caught him off guard and hit him. I had underestimated the strength I put behind that first punch and sent him tumbling off the hospital bed. At first, he just seemed shocked, but when I'd accused him of hitting her, his eyes burned and his face distorted in anger.

The strength with which he pushed me back caught me off-guard, almost causing me to fall backwards. Even though I had kept my feet, he fell backwards with the force of his push. I was mildly surprised when he managed to pull himself back to his one leg.

When I hit him again, sending him into the medical machinery, my adrenaline was fully pumping and I didn't waste any time, grabbing him up by his gown again. But he violently twisted away from me, causing me to rip the hospital gown right off of him.

As he fell, he hit his bad leg on the end of the bed and let out an agonizing cry. The combination of that and seeing all of those bruises and whiplashes across his back, brought me back to my senses.

What was I doing? Peeta would never hit Katniss. I knew that.

I stood there, rooted to the floor, standing above him as he struggled to breathe. His body was trembling.

When he finally turned over, I could see that his jaw was locked tightly and tears had leaked out of the corners of his eyes from the pain. It must have been excruciating. Remorse replaced my adrenaline.

As if things couldn't get any worse, Haymitch suddenly walked in.

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard Peeta say that it was a "misunderstanding." Haymitch wasn't going to believe that. The look he gave me only confirmed that.

I extended my hand to Peeta, feeling extremely guilty, and helped him up. I could see the remaining color drain from his face when Haymitch and I helped him back to his bed. The grip he had on my shoulder was weak, and I could feel him swaying. I thought for sure he was going to pass out.

He didn't, but as he adjusted himself on the bed, I looked down and saw that the gauze wrapped around the stump of his leg was drenched in blood.

"Peeta, your leg," I said.

The guilt was overwhelming. And I didn't know how to handle it. I had never felt it before. At least not this much. So when Haymitch ordered me to get a nurse I didn't even hesitate. I was happy to be out of there. I knew Haymitch wasn't going to let me get away with this, though. He would yell at me for it, or worse. I selfishly hoped he wouldn't tell Katniss. She would hate me if she knew.

I considered finding her and telling her about it before she found out from Haymitch or someone else, but I couldn't seem to find the words. So instead I found myself playing with the weapons Beetee had created. I saved using the new bow for last. The familiarity of using a bow helped relax me. Even though I wasn't in the woods, it reminded me of the good times I'd had with Katniss. Silently hunting together, knowing she had my back, laughing when our hearts were light because we'd had a good haul, daydreaming about a world without the Hunger Games and without President Snow. Those days were gone now. The price of the rebellion and destroying Snow's regime was almost too much.

Almost.

Finally, when most of my frustration had seeped out of my muscles, it was almost time for the propo meeting in Command. Normally I didn't go to those, but Plutarch had requested my presence for this one.

As I made my way there, I had a feeling that Katniss had forgotten about it. So, thinking it might be a good opportunity to patch things up with her – at least as much as they could be before she found out what I'd done to Peeta – I made my way to her closet where she liked to hide out.

I found her there, but she wasn't alone. I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Haymitch. He gave me an angry look, but he must have not told Katniss because I was pretty sure that if he had, she would be lunging at me right now.

I remembered what she did to Haymitch's face when she found out that the Capitol had captured Peeta from the arena. I couldn't imagine what she'd do when she found out I had directly inflicted harm upon him. Especially when he was already so damaged.

I pushed back the thoughts, though, and told them they were wanted in Command for the propos meeting. They both got up from the floor without argument and the three of us made our way there.

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><p><strong><em>The next chapter is already underway so you shouldn't have to wait as long as last time! Thanks for reading, and again, reviews are truly appreciated!<em>**


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**_~Katniss~_**

As I wallowed in the closet after my encounter with Gale, all I could think about was what I had lost. My father. Rue. Cinna. District 12.

Peeta.

He was alive, but I had lost him. Whatever Snow had done to him in the Capitol had changed him. And whether he had been prostituted or not, I couldn't handle it. If there was any chance for Peeta and I to be what we were before – whatever that was – I was letting it go. Or at least trying to.

The words _coward_ and _selfish _bounced around in my mind, but I no longer cared. I _was_ a coward. I _was_ selfish.

My thoughts wandered to how Peeta had been before all of this had happened. I remembered when I had kissed him in the cave during the 74th Games, and how there was that unexpected heat that spread through my chest and made me dizzy. Then I had broken his heart when we returned to District 12. I cringed at the thought. He had been different after that. Still kind, but more stiff and guarded. I couldn't really blame him, though.

But even after I had hurt him, he still came to me on the Victory Tour train and told me genuinely that he wanted to be friends.

Orange. A soft orange like the sunset. That was his favorite color. I smiled softly at the memory.

My smile fell, though, when I began to think about the Victory Tour and how much I must have tugged his heart around. Asking him to sleep with me, to ward off the nightmares, all of those kisses in front of the cameras. Even though they were all staged, if I was being honest with myself, I never minded it. His lips were always soft and warm. Inviting, even.

That made me think of the night before the Quarter Quell. And for the first time since that night, I _let_ myself think about it. How reverent he had been, lavishing my body with kisses and gentle caresses that made me feel like he was worshiping me. But then how unrestrained he had become, baring his own passionate desires for me to see. Each thrust of his hips and each pant of breath that left his lips conveyed his love for me. And I knew that's what he was trying to do. He wanted to make sure there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. He didn't even need to say the words to me afterward, his actions had conveyed them so perfectly.

And I finally admitted to myself that I wanted him to do all of those things again. I wanted him to make love to me again, conveying over and over and over again how much he loved me. And I realized, with some hesitancy, that I wanted to convey my feelings for him in the same way.

_You love him._

But then reality slapped me across the face. I wouldn't be able to show him in that way. And neither could he. Because Snow had damaged him. Hot, angry tears leaked out of the corner of my eyes. I had finally admitted to myself that I loved Peeta and now it didn't even matter.

When I thought about how I had curled into him that first night after he was rescued, all I could think was that I had pushed him too far away now because I had kissed him.

I really needed to get away. I needed something to distract me. Maybe Plutarch's propo would be just what I needed, especially if they let me go to another district again.

When Haymitch found me in the closet, I reluctantly told him an edited version of what happened that morning. I knew he didn't believe me, but Gale suddenly showed up, reminding us of the propo meeting in Command.

The three of us wordlessly made our way there. Was it just me, or was there some tension between Haymitch and Gale? Haymitch kept sending him angry looks and Gale avoided his eyes.

I forgot about all of that as soon as we walked into Command, though. President Coin, Boggs, Beetee, and Plutarch were already there, sitting around a large table silently.

"Nice of you to join us," Coin said with cold courtesy as we sat down. I made a point to sit as far away from Gale as possible, and ended up between Haymitch and Beetee.

"What are your plans for the Mockingjay this time?" Haymitch asked, looking quizzically at Boggs. I was also curious as to why he and Gale were present. Maybe they _were _sending me to another district.

"Well," Plutarch began in his annoyingly cheerful way. "We were so thrilled about the success of the propo shot in District 8, that we thought maybe we could do something similar again."

"You mean send her into combat again?" Haymitch questioned, casting me a side glance. "Are we sure that's a good idea?"

I glared at him. "I think it's a good idea," I stated, defiantly.

Haymitch's brow furrowed in confusion. "You do?"

I knew what he was thinking. He was surprised that I wanted to leave after Peeta had just been rescued. I nodded anyway, though.

"She'll be safe," Plutarch reassured, directing our attention back to him. "Boggs will be with her along with some other soldiers."

"It wasn't her I was concerned about," Haymitch mumbled. I pretended not to hear him, pushing away the thoughts of how Peeta would react when he found out I had left him. _You promised you would stay with him_.

"Soldier Hawthorne, we would like for you to go as well," Plutarch continued, totally oblivious. "The two of you on camera, shooting down those hovercrafts with your bows made excellent propo material last time. We'd like to get some more footage like that."

Gale nodded.

"Where will we be going?" I asked.

Coin answered, "District 2. There's a large weapon facility there, under a mountain. Because District 2 has remained loyal to the Capitol, all of those weapons are being used against us. We'd like to get our hands on them."

"The people in the facility have shut themselves inside. But Gale and I have come up with a plan to draw them out," Beetee said.

I narrowed my eyes but Haymitch spoke for me, "And what is the plan?"

"To bomb the mountain," Coin answered.

Beetee nodded. "There are two entrances to the facility under the mountain, both railways. If we bomb the mountain above one of the entrances, the rock and debris will block it, forcing them to use the railway entrance where the rebels have control."

"But won't that kill people?" I asked quietly.

Gale answered this time, "Yes. The blast from the bomb could cause some of the rock to collapse in on the facility. But it will force them to come out, right into our hands."

"How do you know they'll actually come out? Couldn't they just stay in the mountain?" Haymitch asked.

"We're ready to cut off all electricity from within. And when the bombs hit the one side of the mountain, human nature should take over," Beetee answered.

"Human nature?" Haymitch said expectantly.

"The need to run and survive. And once they escape the mountain, they'll run to us and have no choice but to surrender," Coin stated simply.

It was silent for a long moment before I finally asked, "So what's my role in all of this?"

"Good question," Plutarch replied. "You are going to be waiting in the square where those inside the mountain will be fleeing to. You can rally the rebels, give them courage and hope with your appearance. And then when the others get there from the mountain, you can speak to them of our cause. That they're better off without the Capitol."

Coin nodded encouragingly.

I felt uncomfortable with the plan, but I thought I could see the sense in it. If District 2 was supplying the Capitol with its weapons, and if the rebels could gain control of it, then the rebellion might be won. It would be over. That gave me the final motivation I needed to agree.

"I'll do it," I said, ignoring the look Haymitch gave me.

Coin smiled. "Excellent. I was hoping you would."

Plutarch clapped his hands together. "Well, you should begin preparations to leave, Miss Everdeen. The hovercraft leaves in two hours."

I nodded and rose from my seat. I noticed the others stayed, but Haymitch followed me out.

After we were out of earshot of Command he put his hand on my shoulder to stop me. "Katniss, what are you doing?" he grumbled at me.

"Holding up my end of the "Mockingjay Deal," I replied, shrugging out of his grasp.

His eyes searched mine. "You don't have to do this. They would understand if you needed to stay. They can take that mountain without you."

"Then why did they ask me to help?"

His eyes remained locked on mine as he said, "Do you have any idea how he's going to take this?"

I looked away and shrugged.

"I know you're running from him, sweetheart. Don't pretend like you're not."

He paused to see if I would respond but I remained silent.

"What really happened this morning?"

I slowly looked up at him and was just about to respond when a doctor suddenly appeared around the corner.

"Mr. Abernathy," he said. "The procedure is complete."

Procedure? Was he talking about Peeta?

Haymitch glanced at me tentatively before he asked, "How did it go?"

"Better than expected. We were able to fix most of the damage. He won't be able to use the type of prosthetic the Capitol had given to him before, but we feel confident that he will be able to use a less advanced type. One that just buckles onto his leg and can be removed whenever necessary."

He was definitely talking about Peeta. Peeta had surgery? And Haymitch knew and didn't tell me. I glared at him.

"How's he doing?" he inquired.

"He's in recovery. They're still waiting for him to wake up from the anesthesia. He'll be pretty sore for awhile, but like I said, we feel confident that he'll recover and be able to walk again."

Haymitch nodded. "When can we see him?"

The doctor glanced at me. "You can go see him now. Maybe you'd like to be there when he wakes up. It might be good for him to see a familiar face."

I remembered what had happened the last time I was with Peeta when he had woken up and instinctively brought my hand to my cheek where the bruise was.

"Thanks, doc." Haymitch shook the doctor's hand before the doctor walked away.

As soon as the doctor was out of sight, I turned on Haymitch.

"Peeta had surgery?" I yelled.

Haymitch put his hands up defensively. "I was gonna tell you, sweetheart. I wanted to wait until after the meeting in Command. You seemed like you had a lot on your plate already."

I knew he was right but my anger didn't diffuse that easily. I crossed my arms. "You should have told me right away."

"Well, doesn't matter now, does it?" He paused. "Do you wanna go see him?"

I felt my anger fade and panic replaced it. I shook my head. "No."

Haymitch's eyes flickered with frustration and concern. "Don't you think you ought to see him before you leave? He's already not gonna take it well that you're going into combat."

"So don't tell him. You're good at keeping things from people."

He practically flinched at my words. I knew I wasn't being fair, but I just couldn't see Peeta. I couldn't.

Haymitch threw his hands up. "Whatever, sweetheart, it's your decision. But I think it's the wrong one."

With that, he walked away and made his way toward the hospital.

**_~Haymitch~_**

I walked away from the Mockingjay, fuming. That girl could be so selfish. And what's worse was that she knew it but refused to change.

I had no idea how I was gonna tell the kid that his sweetheart had gone into combat. I wasn't exactly comfortable with it either. But he had been through a lot already and I didn't know how he would handle this. Maybe I really wouldn't tell him.

The Mockingjay was right…I was good at hiding things from people. Not that I really wanted to, but it was usually necessary. To protect people.

When I reached the recovery room, I hesitated outside of the door, gathering my thoughts for what I would tell Peeta. Then I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. There were only a couple more patients in the room besides the kid. He was on the opposite side of the room.

I made my way over to him slowly, taking in his appearance. He was still pale, and with the way he was laying on his back, his cheeks looked even more sunken in. A thin blanket was draped over the lower half of his body and oxygen tubes were inserted in his nostrils. His chest rose and fell evenly as his breaths left his chapped, parted lips.

I plopped down on the chair next to his bedside, studying him as I tried for the millionth time to think of a way I could have gotten him out of that arena. None came to mind, though.

After about an hour, he began shifting slightly so I figured he was waking up. I stood up and moved closer to him so that he could easily see me. His eyelids finally lifted to reveal his hazy eyes. He was still clearly exhausted.

When he saw me, I gave him a soft smile. He opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a cracked noise. I looked over at the table by his bed and saw a pitcher of water and a cup. After I had promptly filled the cup, he reached out for it. But I noticed how shaky his arm was so I shook my head and carefully tipped the cup to his lips so he could drink.

After he'd had enough, he pulled away from the cup and spoke in a still-cracked voice, "You're getting soft, old man."

"Yeah, well, keep calling me old man and see if I still help you out," I replied.

He smiled slightly. "I appreciate it, Haymitch. Thanks."

I nodded then asked, "How ya feelin'?"

"Well, I can't seem to feel much below my waist just yet, so I'm alright for now. Just tired."

"Doc said you would be sore for a while. But, they were able to repair most of the damage so that you can walk again."

His eyes noticeably lit up. "Really?"

I nodded. "You won't be able to use the type of prosthetic you had before. Your new one will be much less advanced."

"I don't care. As long as I can walk," he replied.

A nurse suddenly came over and checked his vitals, then declared that they could take him back to his hospital room. I followed closely as they wheeled him there in the bed. The rest of the anesthesia must have been wearing off because he winced every time the bed jolted or stopped abruptly.

When he was back in his room, wheels locked on the bed, I could tell he was feeling the effects of the surgery. The tightness of his jaw and the lines in his face made him seem ten years older. It really was hard seeing him in pain.

Fortunately, the doctor walked in, but his chipper mood made mine sour.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Mellark?" the doctor asked.

"I-I'm alright. It just hurts some," the kid answered. I could tell "some" was an understatement.

The doctor's facial expression changed to one of seriousness. "I'll have a nurse come in as soon as I'm done to hook you up to some morphling."

Peeta nodded.

"I just need to check your leg," the doctor continued as he pulled back the blanket and lifted Peeta's hospital gown from his leg. They had removed his boxers but the doctor was considerate with the way he pulled the gown back so he wouldn't embarrass the kid.

The sight of his leg made bile rise in my throat. It was still very swollen and bruised, but the stump was wrapped in thick white gauze. I tried to read the doctor's facial expression as he examined Peeta's leg.

"Well, there's no blood spotting through, so everything looks fine. A nurse will be by in a few hours to change the gauze and I'll be back tomorrow to check up on you as well," the doctor said.

Peeta nodded stiffly. The pain must have been intensifying.

"Thanks, doc," I said, trying to encourage him to leave so that the kid could get some morphling.

Fortunately, he seemed to catch the hint and left promptly. We waited silently for the nurse. I stole glances at the kid's face and saw that he kept squeezing his eyes shut tightly. When he opened them, tears were leaking out of the corners of his eyes.

"Where is the damn nurse?" I muttered as I made my way to the door to look down the hall.

She was right outside the door, though, and nearly ran into me. She must have heard me muttering and cast me an irritated glance. When she saw Peeta, she hurried over and quickly inserted the tube for morphling into his arm.

The relief that washed over the kid's features was almost instant.

As the nurse left she quietly said to me, "I'll check on him later."

I barely acknowledged her as I watched the kid. His breathing was easier now and his eyes were glazing over slightly.

"Feeling better?" I quipped.

He smiled goofily and said, "Yeah."

"You tired?"

"No," he replied, even though I could tell he was falling asleep. "I need to be with Katniss."

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. How was I going to tell him she was leaving? Had already left.

"You'll see her soon." That seemed like a safe response.

"No, I need to be with her. I need to show her again," he slurred.

The kid wasn't making sense. "Show her _what_ again?"

"How much I love her."

I hesitated. "I think she knows, kid."

"No, the first time wasn't good enough. This time I'll be better."

My brows furrowed. I wanted to ask him more, but he was asleep now, snoring softly.

Was he talking about…what I _think _he was talking about? I had a hard time believing that girl would willingly do that. Even with the kid. She was so guarded and closed off. If they had, though…I wonder when it had happened. Probably sometime right before the Quarter Quell. They seemed pretty close then and had spent a lot of time alone together. Now that I thought about it, they did act differently towards each other in the arena. They seemed closer. More protective of each other. I thought of the way Katniss reacted when he hit the forcefield, thinking he was dead.

I couldn't help but wonder what had finally made her open to being with him in that way. It was just so out of character for her. But that's when it hit me…if she had opened up to Peeta in that way then him being prostituted in the Capitol was like a slap across her face. I knew that kind of intimacy wasn't taken lightly by her. Or him, for that matter.

If he really had been prostituted in the Capitol, then this was surely tearing both of them apart. And him being afraid of physical affection now had probably hurt Katniss more than I realized. No wonder she was running. She had finally admitted to herself and to Peeta, if only through her actions, how she felt about him, just for him to be exploited. That was supposed to be something sacred between the two of them and Snow had tarnished and destroyed it. I wondered if he had somehow known they had been together. No, I _knew _that he knew. He had eyes and ears everywhere.

I understood why Katniss was so eager to leave now. She was running. She always ran when she got hurt. So District 2 was her easy way out. I could somewhat understand her reasoning, but at the same time, the kid was hurting too. He needed her. Now I really didn't know how to tell him. Or how he would respond.

Fortunately, I had awhile to think of what to tell him since the morphling knocked him out. I sat in his hospital room, losing track of time. The steady beeping of the medical machinery and Peeta's soft snores made me lose myself in my thoughts.

By the time he started stirring again, I had figured out what I was going to tell him. When he opened his eyes, he slowly looked around the room, as if he were orienting himself. When his eyes landed on me, his brow furrowed.

"You're still here?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Sick of me already?" I quipped.

"No, I just…I just can't believe you stayed with me all this time."

"Well, I'd rather sit here with you than enjoy the pleasant company of Mrs. President or Plutarch. Even when you're sleeping."

The corner of his mouth quirked up slightly. "Too bad Effie isn't here. I'm sure you miss her."

I scowled at him. But I couldn't help the thoughts his statement led to. I truly did wonder what had happened to her. If she was even alive…

The kid must have noticed the change in my demeanor because he said quietly, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

I waved it off. "Forget it. How are you feeling?"

"Alright, at the moment. The pain's not too bad. That morphling is pretty strong."

I nodded. "You need a drink?"

"Yeah, please."

I got him a cup of water and handed it to him this time, seeing that he wasn't as shaky as he was before. I hoped this meant he would recover from this quickly and be back on _both _feet soon.

It seemed that he had no memory of what he had said to me before the morphling had taken him under. We remained in silence for several minutes until he finally asked, "So…where's Katniss?"

I hesitated for a moment before I answered, making sure my thoughts were in order. "She's doing a propo in another district."

His eyes narrowed. "Another district? Which one?"

"Eleven. It's pretty much in ruins now, but Coin and Plutarch thought it would be good for her to rally the rebels there. They're losing courage," I replied evenly.

"Is it…safe?" he asked, his eyes reflecting concern.

"Should be. There's not much left the Capitol could want. She's got some soldiers and bodyguards with her anyway."

"Like who?"

I had to be careful with this answer. "Boggs, for one. And some other soldiers."

I saw suspicion flicker in his eyes. "And Gale." It was more of a statement than a question.

Damn. Kid was too smart. "Yeah, Mr. Brooding too."

I expected the kid to be angry but he just lowered his eyes and mumbled, "Oh."

"She should be back soon, though. I can't imagine it taking them too long to get some good footage," I tried to sound nonchalant and light-hearted. "And if she's able to rally the rebels there, we're closer to winning this war."

He looked up at me with such worry in his eyes that it took me aback. "I hope so."

After a couple of minutes of silence, a nurse came in to change the bandaging on the stump of his leg and help him to the bathroom.

"I'm gonna go get some rest, kid," I said, as the nurse helped him sit up. "I'll be back in a few hours."

He nodded. "Thanks, Haymitch."

I closed the door behind me and made my way to my quarters. I hoped sleep would find me, but only my familiar nightmares did.

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><p><strong><em>Next chapter coming soon!<em>**

**_Reviews greatly appreciated!_**


	8. Chapter 7

**_Hello again, my dear readers! I am so incredibly sorry for the long wait! I've had a lot of adjustments in my life lately, so I've been very busy. I'm trying to devote a consistent amount of time each week to working on this story, though, so hopefully I will be much better about posting from now on. Anyway, here is Chapter 7. Let me know what you think and leave a review; they're extremely appreciated :)_**

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><p><span><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

**_~Katniss~_**

The ride in the hovercraft to District 2 felt long. There was tension between me and Gale, and everyone else seemed to sense it. It was silent other than the loud humming of the hovercraft and the click of Cressida's camera as she adjusted it.

When we finally landed, I was escorted off of the hovercraft and taken to a rebel camp just outside of District 2's City Square. It was still dark, so we were escorted to and assigned tents that formed a semi-circle around a campfire.

As everyone else entered their tents, I reluctantly entered my own. I let the flap close behind me as I began removing the outer layers of my Mockingjay suit. It felt much tighter than the last time I had worn it, and I was becoming so uncomfortable I felt claustrophobic.

After I had donned the standard gray District 13 garb that I had packed, I pulled back the flap to see Gale sorting through some gear in the tent across from mine. The red and orange glow of the campfire sent dark shadows across his face. It seemed fitting, considering the anger I still felt toward him for his accusation toward Peeta earlier.

I quietly made my way out of my tent and sat on a boulder near the fire, watching as the flames crackled and danced, withering to smoke that reached for the sky. My eyes followed the rising smoke until I saw the millions of stars twinkling above. The only place I had ever seen that many stars was at my lake, deep in the woods. It dawned on me that I could see them because there were no artificial lights here to block them out. I wondered how long the rest of the nation had been without real power and electricity. I assumed that whatever electricity was running was being absorbed by the Capitol…and by the facility under the mountain that loomed in the distance, its dark peak silhouetted against the starry sky.

"Katniss," I heard Gale's voice say, startling me out of my thoughts. I lowered my eyes from the sky to glare at him, allowing his interruption to fuel my anger further.

"Don't look at me like that," he stated as he took a seat across from me.

"Like what?" I asked, even though I knew what he was talking about. He gave me a look that indicated he knew I wasn't so ignorant.

"Look," he began slowly. "I'm sorry about before."

My eyes searched his, to see if he was truly sorry or if he was just trying to smooth things over with me. I was surprised by what I saw in those twin gray storms…regret. My eyes narrowed in confusion. Gale was not the type of person to apologize or feel regret.

"Really, I am," he continued. "It was stupid. I know he wouldn't..." He cleared his throat. "I know Peeta wouldn't hurt you. And I know you can take care of yourself."

I stared at him a moment longer before I finally nodded, accepting his apology. It was clearly so genuine that there was no way I could reject his words. Plus, he was my only confidant here. No Prim, no Haymitch…no Peeta. I didn't want to feel alone here, even though I knew I was.

We were silent for awhile, gazing at the flames that had begun to dwindle when Boggs approached.

"Miss Everdeen," he said softly. "I insist you get some rest."

I sighed and nodded. I didn't feel like arguing with anyone at the moment. And I _was _feeling very tired. So I said goodnight to Boggs and Gale and made my way into my tent.

As I tugged my boots off, I heard voices outside the tent. Boggs and Gale were talking quietly. The light of the fire sent their shadows across my tent.

"I'm surprised she wanted to come," I heard Gale say.

"I'm not. She's stronger than she realizes," Boggs replied.

"I'm not saying she's not strong enough. I _know _she is," Gale said, sounding irritated. "I just meant…with Peeta just getting back. I thought she'd want to stay with him." The last part came out barely above a whisper. I barely heard it above the crackle of the fire.

"I think she feels stronger knowing that he's safe. More motivated to help the cause," Boggs stated.

While I appreciated Boggs' faith in me, I knew he was wrong. And I knew that Gale knew that. His words only confirmed it: "No, she had another reason for coming here. And I think I have an idea of what it is."

I tuned them out after that, burrowing into my sleeping bag and pulling it up to my nose. But not to keep myself warm in the chilly mountain air…but because I thought that would somehow conceal my emotions and thoughts that Gale could read so easily.

Did he really know why I came out here? He probably knew that I was running from something, but I don't think he knew _what _I was running from. Or who, rather. That just made all of _those_ thoughts pop into my mind, though.

How could I have left Peeta when he had just gotten back after months of separation? After I had promised to stay with him? I was so selfish. He was probably back in 13, heartbroken, lonely, and lost. Like me.

The tip of my nose began to sting as tears welled up in my eyes. We were both heartbroken, lost, and lonely souls. And the only person who could fill those voids in us was each other. I needed him. And as much as I hated to admit it…I loved him. And despite whatever he had gone through in the Capitol, I knew he still felt that way toward me.

But then I began to wonder if maybe he didn't feel that way toward me anymore. After I ambushed him with that kiss even though I knew of his fear. Who knows what memories of the Capitol I had conjured up in his mind? He might actually be furious with me now and never want to see me again.

That possibility made me a little more motivated to stay out here in 2. To stay as long as I possibly could. Maybe I would even die out here. That would probably be better for everyone. No more crazy, selfish, cowardly girl to worry about. I would probably even be more valuable to the rebellion if I were dead. They could turn me into a martyr. Someone that died for the cause. Someone with courage, whom the rebels could aspire to be like and fight for. Yes, it would definitely be better if I were dead.

I fell asleep with that thought whispering through my mind instead of the memory of the word "always" being said to me over and over and over…

**_~Peeta~_**

She _left_? How could she leave? She didn't even say goodbye…I must have really hurt her when I pushed her away as she kissed me before.

And Gale was with her. I felt my stomach churn at the memory of our scuffle earlier. I assumed Katniss didn't know about it, because I was pretty sure that she wouldn't want to be around Gale if she knew. Unless she didn't care…unless she agreed I deserved it…

After the nurse had helped me to the bathroom and changed the gauze on my leg, I was left alone with my thoughts. The morphling seemed to be working, as I was in very mild pain, but it wasn't strong enough to knock me out at the moment. At first I was grateful, but these thoughts were torturous. I would much rather be knocked out by the morphling. I assumed they had reduced the dosage to prevent me from becoming addicted to it, so I didn't bother calling the nurse back to increase the dosage again. She had already asked about my pain earlier and I had said it was alright.

I studied the ceiling as I replayed waking up to Katniss's kiss from earlier over and over and over again in my mind. I hadn't realized how much I had been wanting to kiss her again until the moment I panicked and knew I had to push her away.

My thoughts flitted to the night before the Quell. I desperately wanted that again. More than I wanted my next breath. If I could just make love to her one more time, I would make sure that she would never forget how I felt about her. I would love her and lavish her the way she deserved.

Did she ever think of that night? Everything she had said then seemed genuine. It was hard for me to believe that it meant nothing to her…but what if it was just something she wanted to experience before she died? Nausea swept through my stomach at that thought. How could it mean nothing to her when it meant everything to me?

I was beginning to understand Snow's reasoning for the deal he forced me to make with him. It was tearing me and Katniss apart. I'm sure that's what he wanted. But I couldn't break my end of the deal…at least not yet. It was too risky still. I wondered if he knew about our kiss. I desperately hoped he didn't.

Other parts of my deal with Snow came to mind. How was I going to convince the rebels here to lay down their weapons and stop fighting this war? Most of them were willing to die for the cause, and many already had. Guilt crept into my mind at the thought of crushing their hopes of a brighter future with Snow's regime destroyed.

I had to uphold my end of the deal, though. I couldn't even think about the consequences if I failed. The first person I would need to speak to was Haymitch. He would probably visit me soon, he'd been gone for awhile.

Eventually, I fell back asleep waiting for Haymitch. I was woken up some time later by the doctor and a nurse.

"How are you this morning, Mr. Mellark?" the doctor asked cheerfully.

I blinked the sleep away from my eyes. "I'm alright."

"Good. Good. We're just going to remove all the wrappings from your leg today to see how it's healing," the doctor replied as he began to pull the blanket away from my waist.

The hospital gown I wore had gotten twisted around my torso in my sleep and was tucked under me, so the nurse helped me straighten the gown and loosen its grip on me so the doctor could pull it up to look at my leg.

I felt so exposed without underwear on, but the doctor seemed to sense that and was careful with how far he moved the gown up, only exposing the parts of my leg that were necessary to evaluate.

The black and blue bruises still peeked out from the gauze wrappings, but the swelling had gone down significantly which made me sigh in relief.

"The swelling seems to have decreased," the doctor remarked. "Let's see how the stitches look."

He slowly and carefully removed the gauze from my leg. The nurse had already done that once before so it wasn't too bad. But the padding around the stitches hadn't been removed yet. I gulped, feeling anxious about how excruciating the pain would be.

The padding was stiff and stuck a little bit, but the doctor was able to gently remove it, only making me wince when he pulled the last bit of padding off.

I avoided looking at it. I was too afraid. What if something was wrong with the way it was healing and I wouldn't be able to walk again?

I stared at the ceiling as the doctor evaluated me silently. I could feel the feathery-light touches of his fingers as he examined me with glove-covered hands.

Finally, he said, "Everything seems to be healing perfectly."

I let out an audible sigh of relief. The doctor heard it and chuckled as I met his eyes.

"I have no doubt you'll be able to walk again, Mr. Mellark," he continued with a warm smile.

I couldn't help the smile that spread itself across my own face. "When?" I asked eagerly.

"Well, your leg still needs to heal and then you'll have physical therapy. But I would say within the next couple of months you should be on your feet again. Maybe sooner if you rest enough and do all your exercises."

I nodded. "I will."

He smiled. "Good. Well, I need to check on Miss Mason," he said with an exasperated sigh.

Miss Mason? "Johanna?" I asked. How had I not thought of her since I'd been back? She was the only reason I hadn't completely lost my sanity in the Capitol.

He nodded. "Yes. She's been quite a…troublesome…patient."

I chuckled. "That doesn't surprise me." I grew serious again. "How is she doing, though? Can I see her?"

"She's doing much better than she was when she was first brought back here with you and Miss Cresta. I don't think you should be going anywhere just yet, but I could tell her to come visit you if you'd like," the doctor replied kindly.

"That would be great. I haven't seen her since…" I trailed off, shivering at the last memory I had of her in the Capitol. "It's just been awhile."

"Alright, I will be sure to let her know. Anything else I can do for you while I'm here?"

"No, I'm fine for now. Thanks," I said as he nodded in return and left with the nurse.

As much as I tried to push it away, I couldn't help myself from thinking about the last time I had seen Johanna.

_The guards dragged me back to my cell as I continued to vomit whatever was left in my stomach onto the floor. It was mostly just stomach acid, burning as it came up. But I couldn't stop heaving. Darius and Lavinia…I'd just seen them cut apart…piece by piece. I vomited again._

_When we finally reached my cell, the guards threw me onto the floor. Then the beatings came. Like they did almost every night. They kicked my ribs and my back, fists landed on my face. Hands began to tear at my clothes until I was bare, huddled on the floor, shivering, trying to block out the pain._

_Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, they yanked me upright and pulled me to the center of the cell. They were going to use them. I had been dreading it for awhile, wondering when they were going to use them. The handcuffs hanging down from the ceiling. They dragged me over to the handcuffs and forced my hands into them, locking them tightly on my wrists. The handcuffs were low enough so that I could lower myself to my knees, which alleviated some of the pressure on my wrists._

_I could hear the guards talking quietly behind me. I tried to turn my head to see what they were doing, but one of them hit me in the head with something that made my vision blur momentarily._

_Suddenly, it grew quiet and then I heard a whistling sound a split second before I felt the lightning crack against my back. I cried out. They were whipping me. My back felt like it had been split open. But I didn't have time to contemplate the pain before I felt another one. The whip felt as if it was on fire, searing my skin. I felt something warm running down the backs of my legs. My vision blurred again as I realized it was blood._

_I lost track of the lashes, and each felt just as painful as the last until one landed significantly hard across my shoulders. I let out a loud, agonizing cry, squeezing my eyes shut tightly._

_Another lash. A loud sob escaped my throat. The pain was unbearable. I was gasping for breath as tears leaked out of my eyes._

_But suddenly, over the sound of my own pulse rushing in my ears and the loud, demanding cries of the pain, I heard a voice: "Stop! Stop it!"_

_Johanna. We had adjoining cells, so she was hearing and seeing everything through the glass barrier between us. It wasn't the first time we had heard each other's screams._

_ "__Stop it!" she cried again. I tried to look up to see her, but it sent searing pains through my already screaming back._

_The guards had stopped._

_ "__Beat me," she said. "I'll take the rest of his lashes."_

_My ears perked up at that. I tried to protest, but I felt another lash across my lower back and my protest became a cry._

_ "__I'll take them!" she insisted. "Just stop beating him!"_

_I knew the guards wouldn't pass up the opportunity to strip her down and whip her too. Two of their lusts being joined into one setting was too tempting an opportunity to refuse. _

_I heard them leave my cell and lost consciousness as I heard the whistle of the whip again and Johanna's cry ring out after._

I hadn't seen her since then. She hadn't been back in her cell. So I never had the chance to thank her for what she did. I really hoped the doctor wouldn't forget to tell her to visit me.

Not a half hour later, I was still lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, when I heard her voice, "Hey, Loverboy. Long time, no see."

I lowered my eyes and sat up as I took in her wholeness. Her head had been shaved and she was thin, like me, but the smirk on her face was enough to let me know that she was recovering.

I smiled back. "Hey, Johanna. It's nice to see you too."

She scoffed as she made her way to my hospital bed. She quickly scanned the bed, making sure she wouldn't hit my leg, then plopped down on the foot of the bed.

"How are you doing?" she asked, with a tone of seriousness I hadn't heard since we were in the Capitol.

"Much better," I replied. "I had surgery on my leg."

She nodded. "I heard. They said you'll walk again, though?"

"Yeah. Hopefully within the next couple of months."

"Good."

We were silent for a moment until I asked, "How are _you _doing?"

She smirked again. "Oh, you know. Getting used to all of the men that are attracted to my new hairstyle."

I laughed. "I'm sure they're buzzing around you like flies."

She swatted my arm, stifling a laugh. "Shut up."

When our laughter died down I said seriously, "Hey. I just wanted to…say thank you for what you did for me in the Capitol. I never got a chance to – "

She cut me off with a wave of her hand. "Don't, Peeta. Forget it. What happened, happened. It's in the past now."

I nodded but saw the look of appreciation in her eyes.

"So how are things with you and the Mockingjay?" she asked, changing the subject.

My heart sank. "Um…well…she left."

"Where did she go?"

"Another district. To do a propo."

Johanna's eyes narrowed as if she were suspicious. "They wouldn't let her stay with you? Even though you just got back?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

She studied me. "What aren't you telling me, Mellark?"

I sighed. "Things just aren't the way they were before."

"What do you mean? Wasn't she happy to see you?"

"Well, I guess…but I sort of…pushed her away." Literally.

Johanna stared at me for a long time then asked, quietly but firmly, "What did Snow make you do, Peeta?"

"Nothing," I lied. "I just…needed some time to adjust here. To get the memories out of my head. I couldn't be with her just yet."

"That's bullshit, Peeta. We had adjoining cells, remember? I heard all the times you screamed her name when you were being tortured. Saw all the times you cried over her. What's going on?" Johanna asked, her eyes boring into mine.

I couldn't hold her stare and looked down at my lap instead of responding.

Her hand suddenly on my arm made me flinch. "You don't have to tell me what he did to you when I wasn't around, Peeta," she began in a tone that didn't sound like her at all. "But don't let him control you anymore. Move on. Be happy."

I looked up at her and saw the worry in her eyes. "I can't," I whispered.

"Why not?"

I swallowed before I answered, "Because Katniss's life is at stake."

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><p><strong><em>Next chapter coming soon!<em>**


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**_~Katniss~_**

The days passed slowly in District 2. It felt like one of those dreams where you're trying to reach something, but no matter how many steps you take you never seem to actually get there. Being in the district wasn't what I thought it would be. I thought I would be fighting, filming, visiting the residents to encourage them, like I'd done at the hospital in District 8. I waited for something to happen with the mountain – the Nut, as it was now called since it had been referred to as "a tough nut to crack" – but nothing did. I wasn't even exactly sure what we were waiting for. I thought the plan had been to bomb one of the entrances to the Nut to draw those inside to the City Square where we awaited them. But every time I asked what was happening, I was shrugged off.

I spent most of my days wandering the City Square. Sometimes I tried to sneak away and explore the ruined district, but someone always caught me and brought me back to the campsite in a huff. So I just ended up examining the bow Beetee made for me, and often practiced my archery skills by aiming at nearby trees or any unfortunate animal that meandered by.

Days turned to weeks. And each day was more excruciating than the last. I tried to convey my restlessness to Gale, but he was keeping his distance from me. Since his apology that first night, there was no more tension, but things had significantly changed between us. He was treating me differently. Like he'd had some sort of revelation about me that made him see me in a new light. We still talked, but our conversations were superficial. We didn't have the light-hearted candor like we did before. But really, we hadn't had that since before my first reaping.

My restlessness eventually turned to intense anxiety. Most nights I only had minor nightmares. I don't know if I screamed, but no one came into my tent to wake me or make sure I was alright. I chose to believe that I hadn't screamed over believing that I had but no one cared. One night, though, my anxiety and irritation over my situation led to one of the most intense nightmares I'd had for a long time.

_I was back in the Tribute Center, lying on the bed in my room, when I heard laughter outside my door. Confused about who would be laughing in such a place, I crept to the door and cracked it open just enough so I could see who had been laughing._

_I couldn't see anyone, but I heard the laughter down the hall, so I followed it until it led me to Peeta's bedroom. Why was Peeta laughing? And who was he laughing with? I stood there, frozen, for several moments until the laughter died down and it grew quiet._

_My curiosity finally got the better of me and I shoved the door open to see Peeta and a blonde woman on the bed, naked. The woman was lying on her back and Peeta hovered over her, kissing her deeply and letting his hands roam her body. I felt my face flush and then my chest began to hurt. As if my heart was breaking._

_ "__Peeta?" I squeaked out._

_But it was as if he didn't hear me. He continued kissing her, shoving his tongue into her mouth, until he began to move down her body, planting wet, sloppy kisses on her flushed skin as he went. The woman moaned in pleasure under his lips._

_I felt tears leaking down my cheeks. "Peeta!" I cried._

_But he didn't respond to me. His only focus was this woman lying beneath him. As he made his way back up to her mouth, his hips shifted and I knew what was coming next. I closed my eyes as I heard both of them gasp in pleasure when he entered her._

_ "__Peeta, please!" I sobbed as I tried to back out of his room without looking at them. I felt so small and insignificant. How could he do this? I thought that the night before the Quarter Quell was special to him. I thought he loved _me_…_

_By the sounds of their panting breaths, I knew things were mounting. The woman was moaning loudly as Peeta grunted above her. Finally, when I heard all of Peeta's breath leave him as he released, I ran from the room, sobbing loudly. Not stopping until suddenly someone's arms were around me, holding me firmly as I thrashed to get away._

My dream began to fade, but the arms still held me firmly. Relief flooded me as I realized it had just been a nightmare and that Peeta was holding me now.

"Peeta," I sobbed, as I buried my face in his chest and clung to him tightly. But as I inhaled against him, I realized his scent was off. He didn't smell like cinnamon and flour – warm like a bakery. He smelled like pine and earth – like the woods.

"Katniss, it's me." The regret in Gale's voice was tangible.

I abruptly pulled away from him in embarrassment and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, finally looking up at him. The moonlight shining softly through the tent revealed the heavy sadness in his eyes.

"It's okay," he replied. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. "I will be."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

I shook my head vigorously. No way was I telling Gale about that nightmare. No way was I telling _anyone _about that nightmare.

Gale hesitated. "Can I…do anything?"

I shook my head again. "No. But thank you," I replied genuinely.

He nodded then rose and left the tent, leaving me alone with the horrors of my nightmare.

**_~Gale~_**

I couldn't take it anymore. Almost every night I heard her whimpering, crying, or screaming. How was no one else hearing it? Was I just overly sensitive to the sounds of her voice? I wasn't sure.

I had been awoken by her scream for Peeta, which turned into heart-wrenching sobs that I couldn't remember hearing from her before. The hopelessness and heartbrokenness of her sobs tore my own heart to pieces and I just couldn't ignore her like I had all of the other nights.

I quickly pulled on a shirt and shoes and stumbled out of my tent. The glowing embers of the fire lit my path as I swiftly made my way toward her tent. Pulling back the flap, my heart clenched at the sight before me. She was tangled up in the sheets, curled up in a tight ball, sobbing. Trapped in her nightmare.

I hesitated before I knelt down beside her and took her in my arms. Her whole body was trembling. When she began to thrash against me, I held her more tightly until she came out of her nightmare.

His name on her lips was like a punch in the gut. She thought I was him. She wanted it to be him holding her, not me. For awhile, I had thought she sought him out for comfort because of what they had experienced in the arena together. He understood that part of her when I didn't. But after he had been taken by the Capitol, I realized it was much more than that.

I knew what she was doing when she agreed to come to District 2. She was running. Even though I knew now that he hadn't hit her, something _had _happened between them that made her run. She was hurt or scared and her first instinct was to flee.

I thought maybe it would be nice to be with her again, this time without worrying over Peeta's safety. But coming here finally made me admit to myself that she loved him. And as jealous as I was, I was trying my best to accept it. To move on. I was just struggling to find my place in her life now. How could I just be her friend when I wanted so much more?

"Katniss, it's me," I told her sadly.

The abruptness with which she pulled away from me stung. A lot. It was hard not to feel sorry for myself. Especially when I looked into her eyes that so closely matched my own. But hers were dimmer than I remembered. Sadder. The fire had gone out of them. I wanted to blame Peeta for that, but I knew I couldn't go down that road again.

She looked so beautiful with the moonlight filtering through the tent. Her hair had come loose of its braid and strands of it perfectly framed her face, which seemed fuller. _Good_, I thought. _She needs to be eating_.

After it had been established that I really was no more help to her, I left the tent to find Boggs standing by the campfire. He silently motioned with his head to follow him. He led me to the Justice Building in the Square. It was mostly intact, having escaped the catastrophe that the rest of District 2 seemed to have suffered. He led me up the stone steps, loose pebbles crunching under our boots as we went.

After we were inside, I followed him to an office. Papers were strewn about the room and the furniture was in disarray, but I hardly noticed any of that when I saw those who were waiting for us. The rest of the team from District 13 was there along with two of the rebel leaders from District 2, Commander Steele and another commanding officer, Colt. Steele was a stocky woman in her mid-forties, with hard, dark eyes, and shoulder-length brown hair, tinged with gray. Colt was younger. Maybe around 30, with closely cropped black hair. His jaw was clenched firmly and I saw what looked to be anger flash in his eyes.

I didn't have time to wonder if his anger was directed toward me before Commander Steele said, "We're sorry for the late hour, Soldier Hawthorne. But we have a pressing matter to discuss."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Plans have changed," Boggs stated.

"What plans? The plans for the Nut?" I replied.

He nodded. "President Coin has decided that we bomb both entrances to the mountain instead of just the one." Did I imagine the regret in his voice?

My eyes narrowed. "Why? Then we won't be able to access the weapons in the facility."

"We still can," Steele replied. "The rebels here have been digging their way under the mountain. They've almost reached the inside. One more blast, and they should be able to get in easily enough."

Digging? Digging under a mountain through solid rock could take years. How long had they been doing this?

Steele seemed to sense my thoughts. "The rebellion didn't start when Katniss Everdeen pulled out those berries in the arena, Soldier Hawthorne. The rebellion began long ago. All of the fuel was there, we just needed someone to light the fire. And Miss Everdeen's actions did that."

I nodded. "But why change the plan? All of those people in the mountain could die now."

"We know," Steele stated evenly. "But President Coin agreed that it was a sacrifice we were willing to make."

I didn't think it was a good idea to tell her she sounded just like Snow in his reasoning for the Hunger Games, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Before, the only option we seemed to have in order to get those weapons was the plan you concocted in 13," Steele continued. "However, now that our contacts digging under the mountain have informed us that they only need another week until they will have broken through the facility, we have agreed that bombing both entrances will result in fewer fatalities for us."

_But more for them, _I thought.

"Katniss will not like this," I blurted.

Steele looked hardly bothered. "So send her back to 13."

I scoffed. "You don't know Katniss. You can't just tell her to leave because she doesn't like something. She'll fight it."

Steele narrowed her eyes at me. "Then convince her to go back. I don't care how."

I could feel my anger rising at the way this woman was speaking about Katniss. Like she was just some little girl who could be bossed around. It was obvious what Steele's view of the Mockingjay was. Useless.

Boggs sensed my anger and spoke up, "We'll talk to her. She might not be opposed to it."

Steele nodded her head once but I could still see the disgust flickering in her dark eyes. I did not trust this woman. My eyes finally met Colt's again. The hint of anger that I had seen earlier now seemed to be replaced with remorse. Did he not like this plan either?

I hardly noticed my surroundings as I left the Justice Building and made my way back to the camp. When I entered my tent, I stripped off my shirt and shoes, and slipped into my sleeping bag.

Something was very wrong with this plan. I knew I wasn't going to get much sleep.

**_~Peeta~_**

Before I knew it, a month had passed. I could move easily on crutches now instead of having to use a wheelchair, and I had started physical therapy. It wasn't easy. I often came back to my room sore and exhausted, but it felt better to not only be working toward walking again, but to be gaining my overall strength back.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn't feel like I was looking at a stranger anymore. I was starting to look like myself again. My sunken cheeks were filling back in, and when I pulled off my shirt, I couldn't count my ribs so easily. The bruises around my eyes and torso had completely faded and I no longer had that horrible pain in the stump of my leg.

The therapy was not only beneficial for my physical health, but for my mental and emotional health as well. It kept my mind off of Katniss, and made me more determined to heal and get completely well. I didn't feel so weak and helpless when I thought about my deal with Snow now. But I knew that unless things significantly changed, I would still need to keep up my end of it.

I had been able to keep it up more lately since I was healing, and had even been invited to Command where I found my opportunity to speak up.

_Sketching was just as therapeutic as my physical exercises. It had been so long since I had last drawn or painted, that it felt foreign to be holding a pencil at first. But my fingers quickly remembered the skill once the lead hit the paper._

_I had completely lost track of time and had submerged myself in my sketch when Haymitch burst into my room, startling me._

_I looked up at him angrily._

_ "__Sorry," he chuckled. "You're wanted in Command."_

_All of the mental and emotional healing that had just occurred through drawing seemed to dissipate upon hearing those words. I had been dreading them for so long. I could no longer put off my end of the deal with Snow. I would have to speak up about the rebellion now._

_Haymitch slowly approached my bedside. "You drawing again?" he asked._

_ "__Yeah," I replied, as I set aside the paper and pencil._

_ "__Good."_

_I picked up my crutches on the floor and followed Haymitch through the maze of hallways to Command where Plutarch and a thin woman with straight grey hair and grey eyes were waiting._

_Plutarch's face lit up when he saw me. "Well, Mr. Mellark! You are looking better than I expected!"_

_I tried not to let his chipper attitude bother me._

_ "__You too," I replied, cordially. "How have you been, Plutarch?"_

_ "__Excellent, excellent," he answered, beaming._

_ "__Mr. Mellark," the woman said, directing my attention to her. "It is nice to finally meet you. I am President Alma Coin." She stuck out her hand._

_I balanced myself on my crutches and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you as well." So this was the famous woman who rivaled Snow. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about her. Her smile was kind but her eyes were treacherous._

_ "__Please, have a seat," she said, pulling out a chair for me. I happily obliged as Haymitch plopped down next to me, and Coin sat down next to Plutarch across from us._

_ "__So, I guess you're wondering why we called you down here?" Plutarch asked, leaning his elbows on the table._

_ "__Yeah, I'm not sure how a cripple like me is going to help you much," I joked._

_Plutarch chuckled. "Well, as a matter-of-fact, you can help us greatly, Mr. Mellark."_

_Oh great. I knew what was coming. "Since Katniss is gone right now, we were thinking we could get some propo footage of you. To show the rebels that you are here now, alive and recovering well."_

_They wanted me to do what Snow had me do while I was in the Capitol. And I truly did want to support the rebels' cause, but I couldn't. Not with the deal I made with Snow._

_I could see Haymitch looking at me out of the corner of my eye. He didn't like this._

_I hesitated. "What would I say?"_

_ "__Oh, just that you're doing well, and that you fully support the rebellion. You know, many people…doubted…your loyalties when you did those interviews with Caesar. We know the truth, of course, but many may not. This would be a way to show them where your loyalties truly lie," Plutarch said._

_ "__That's it? I don't have to give an inspirational speech or anything?"_

_ "__Well, we were hoping you could do that too. You have such a way with words," Plutarch smiled._

_I sighed, contemplating. "Well…the thing is…I don't know if that's such a good idea." I thought of Johanna's words, to not let Snow control me anymore. But how could I risk Katniss's life? I couldn't move on with Snow's threats hanging over her head._

_Plutarch's countenance visibly fell as did the President's. Haymitch's eyes were boring into me._

_ "__Why not?" Coin asked calmly._

_ "__Because I would be giving them false hope," I replied quietly._

_ "__How so? The rebellion is doing well."_

_ "__That's what you think." Coin flinched at my words, but I continued. "I heard things while I was in the Capitol. About their vast armory and the advanced weaponry. They haven't even revealed their strength by half yet," I stated, carefully choosing my words and hating myself for every single one that left my lips. I had thought a million times that Snow could be bluffing…but what if he wasn't? The risk was too great._

_ "__So what are you saying, Mr. Mellark? That we should lay down our weapons?" Coin's icy eyes sent chills down my spine._

_ "__That's exactly what I'm saying. Restore the peace."_

_ "__That's what you said in your interviews. So were we wrong to assume that your loyalties were truly with us?" Coin asked, her voice sharp as a knife._

_I held my voice steady as I replied, "Of course they're with you. That's why I think you should surrender before you're all killed."_

_The room went deadly silent. I was pretty sure that the others could hear my heart thudding in my chest._

_Haymitch suddenly broke the silence, "Look, we might not need to lay down our weapons. But we should consider what the kid has told us of the Capitol's weapons." I knew Haymitch was trying to diffuse the bomb that was counting down, but Coin was definitely not happy, to say the least._

_Plutarch just looked disappointed._

_ "__Why don't we give the kid a little longer to heal before we do the propos? And give yourselves some time to think about what he's told you," Haymitch said, rising from his chair and putting his hand on my shoulder._

_I followed his lead and rose from my chair clumsily, using the crutches to support myself._

_We left without another word and put some distance between us and Command before Haymitch finally spoke up._

_ "__What's going on, kid?"_

_ "__What? I'm just saying what I heard in the Capitol." I was hating myself more and more._

_ "__I know, but you really think we should just lay down our weapons? We all thought Snow was making you say that in your interviews."_

He still is making me say it, _I thought._

_ "__I just want everyone to be safe."_

_ "__Safe?" Haymitch scoffed. "And you think we'll be safe if we lay down our weapons and surrender to the Capitol again? You don't think it will be even worse than it was before?"_

_I shrugged. "It might not be."_

_Haymitch stopped in his tracks, turning to look at me, his narrowed eyes boring into my own. "This isn't you, Peeta," he said quietly. "I thought you would be behind this rebellion completely. Like Katniss has."_

_That stung. Upholding my end of the deal was killing me. I wanted so desperately to fight beside her in this rebellion. Even if it meant sacrificing my own life._

_ "__Well, maybe Katniss made the wrong choice." I nearly gagged on the words as they came out._

_Before Haymitch could respond, I heard a voice coming from down the hall. "Peeta!"_

_It was Prim._

_Haymitch gave me a look before I directed my attention to Prim that indicated we were not done with this conversation._

_ "__Hey, Prim!" I said cheerfully. I was grateful for her appearance._

_ "__You're moving out of the hospital!" she said, excitedly as she stopped before me._

_ "__Really?" The relief I felt was overwhelming._

_ "__Yes! You get your own quarters right next to ours! We convinced them so that we could keep an eye on you." She winked._

_I couldn't help but smile, but I wondered how Katniss would feel about that. Would she like that? Or be terrified of it?_

I had moved into my new quarters that day, however. For now, I had the place to myself but I was informed that I could get a roommate at any time. I didn't spend much time in my quarters anyway, though, so it didn't really matter to me.

Fortunately, I was too exhausted from my therapy to lie awake and contemplate how things were between me and Katniss. I usually didn't have nightmares either. But one night I woke up in a cold sweat after a particularly intense nightmare of the first arena.

Instead of continuing to lay in my bed, I retrieved my crutches and decided to take a walk. I walked for awhile, not really paying attention to where I was going until I suddenly heard voices in a room up ahead. Looking around, I realized I was back at Command.

I could hear President Coin's voice so I stopped to listen.

"If she's going to be a problem, then eliminate her."

Who was she talking about?

"I don't care how. I'm sure you can come up with something."

She paused again.

"You and I both agree that the Mockingjay is useless to this rebellion. She's worth more dead. We can use her as a martyr."

The Mockingjay? Was Coin planning to murder Katniss?

"Don't contact me again until it's done."

I heard the click of a phone and swiftly made my way back down the quiet hallway. I could barely catch my breath.

Coin wanted to kill Katniss. So now, there was not only one president who wanted to kill her…there were two. Katniss wasn't safe anywhere. My deal with Snow suddenly became very insignificant. If Coins' threats were hanging over Katniss too, then it didn't really matter what I did to save her. I wasn't even with her to protect her.

Suddenly I remembered there was someone with her that I knew would give his life to protect her. Gale. I could only hope that he had somehow discovered Coin's plans too.

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><p><strong><em>Next chapter coming soon!<em>**


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